I write a lot of poetry, and this one is about a particular boy I liked only for his looks. I knew almost from the start that he was  a bit of a 'bad kid'. He does drugs and alcohol now.

~

I thought that the flowers may bow when you passed,

And the wind  reduced to a cool breeze in the sun;

The flowers are dead, only now…

So I go away to see him and this weekend. My former married guy who is now my boyfriend 3 years after the fact.Sigh. He is as intensely in love with me as he was when he was married. Me? Not so much. I find I don't like men who are in love with me as intensley as I love them, or something... I don't know I've spent so many yearsinside my head, trying to figure myself out, I just don't want to do it anymore. I have 3 ppl to pack for because both my kids are going to their dads too. I had…

Couldn't sleep one night and wrote a couple of Haiku poems. Enjoy my restless mind:

Midnight Snack

Silent is the path

A multitude of options

What to eat tonight?

Sleepless

The tick and the tock

The mockery of thoughts

When sleeping I ought

Real…

Well I had my counselling appointment last night. My counsellor listens really well and tends not to straight-out tell me what she thinks, but just reflects back to me what I've said and helps my thoughts flow. So I can figure things out myself I guess.

I told her of my encounter with Jesus. And she was amazed. She thought she might do a relaxation thing with me, to help me invite Him in. But I already did that myself! She was impressed! (: Anyway, I still believe that He was really…

Please forgive my grammar and spelling punctuation, as I have a lifetime of secrets. I wrote this at 5am this morning and my internet was down so I sent it as soon as i could. It’s just a steady stream of a reaction of finally having HOPE.

 I’m 30 years old. For 30 years I have been escaping into my own head. From a lonely little girl to a lonely adult. I’ve been diagnosed and rediagnosed with mental disorders for years and no one has known, not the expensive child…

My Christian Counsellor asked me if I would inviite Jesus into my DD. My character isn't a christian, or actually, religion just isnt a part of what goes on in my mind when I DD. It's always been my own personal space where I can do what I like and it's safe. I've always thought that if God knew what happens there (and of course He does) He wouldn't like it at all.

But anyway, my homework was to invite Him into a DD. I tried it last night. And I guess it wasn't what I expected.…

Okay, so I've seen a psychotherapist twice now for this, two weeks apart (it's annoying that she only works Thursdays, but ah well.) The first time wasn't really much about daydreaming, mostly to get to know her/her to know me and to see if I'd be eligible for the 6wks free earthquake therapy thing (it got worse the start of year 11. The earthquake was start of y11, so yes, I'm eligible for it, if you're wondering, which you probably don't care.)

The first time, too, she gave me…

So, I told my school psychologist about my daydreaming, (though I don't think I did it justice.) She didn't really understand, but she was really nice about it though, she's quite a nice woman, and she's trying to understand. She tried to get me to explain my scenarios to her, but I couldn't quite do it. I'm meeting her again in five days and she requested that (for both my own sake and so that she can understand better) I draw or print up pictures of people that look similar to my…

Hello Everyone, I can't say how completly relieved I am to finally realise I'm not a crazy freak!  I'm 27 and am totally consumed by md, I have other issues, such as anxeity, generalised social phobia, OCD.  My biggest question is really which controls which??  Do I have anxiety etc because of my md, or do I have md because of the issues???…

Is my depression making my DDs sad? or are my DDs making me depressed? The last couple of days I've been depressed, my DDs are all very negative and sad. I was crying this morning while trying to get ready for work because of the DD I woke up to. Starts as soon as I wake up. Lots of stress at work, and I am feeling overwelmed. I wish I could force my DD to be a happy one to stop the crying and maybe effect my mood, but I can't.

And there are some days when I feel happy and there are other days when I just don't feel anything at all. I'm so tired of my emotional roller coaster. I’m tired of hating my life and everything around me. Some times I just sit down and think about what people would be like if I ever just went missing. I have this terrible self loathing that makes me curl up and hide from…

My Anxiety/Panic

I can’t see

and it’s like I am now in a very dark room

where a bright light has just gone out

standing on the edge of eternity

knowing there is an open doorway

of light

somewhere

but I can’t see it

and therefore can’t get to it fast enough

and I need to

because I know what also lurks

in the darkness

a door that’s…

Okay, not that I have gotten your attention, I have something I would like to say. I've been thinking a lot lately and realized I want to make a difference in this world. Now, I understand why I dd about the certain things I do, one for boredom and creativity but my character does have something peculiar about her, she loves to help people and usually she effects them hugely in ways they can't repay. The strange part is she did a lot of this stuff anonymously, and it got me thinking, what…

Change. It happens wether or not we want it. It can be slow. It can strike fast, like lightning. It can be temporary. It can be forever.

Change affects us all.

So a lot has happened in just a few days. I blacked out for March 15th and 16. I woke up in a place I don't remember coming to. Appearently I became very suicidal and even engaged in some self harm. I found out from an ER report that my partner broke up with me. Due to refusing to agree to safety contracts with…

I just can't get her out of my head! What else can I say?

She's lovely.

But the question is, do I want to be LIKE her, or do I WANT her with me? Or both?

Remember back in the 7th grade

When we were both nobodies.

We didn't care for relationships or popularity.

We had homeroom together and our teacher hated us.

Remember the fun?

Do you remember 8th grade? When you became HOTT!! So many girls wanted you... but you picked me.

Remember our 9 months? Only 6 of them counted... but we had…

We all daydream about everything 

But most of us have a main character in the midst of things

I am the main character in my day dreams

I daydream i am popular and have a nice girl 

So if i get a girl and have a few good friends i can trust on, then I will be happy in real life. In fact, I have some good friends, I just need a girl. 

I hate day dreaming 

I want a good reality 

fuck day dreaming, it leads to nothing in…

Last night I confessed my daydreaming to my boyfriend in a roundabout way. Well actually it was 'as they say' like a confession dressed as a truth, wrapped up in an enigma, or something like that...



So I was offered my old job back and the money would be nice but not essential and he has commented recently on how happy I am away from that woman! We talked some more about money and what i actually do all day. I confessed I am writing a novel and he eventually coaxed the plot / theme…