Change [TRIGGER WARNING]

[Enoch Sunrise]

Change. It happens wether or not we want it. It can be slow. It can strike fast, like lightning. It can be temporary. It can be forever.

Change affects us all.

 

So a lot has happened in just a few days. I blacked out for March 15th and 16. I woke up in a place I don't remember coming to. Appearently I became very suicidal and even engaged in some self harm. I found out from an ER report that my partner broke up with me. Due to refusing to agree to safety contracts with my therapist resulted in her calling the police for a wellness check. An emergency unit known as Cahoots talked to me and transported to the ER and then to a program for those in a mental health crisis.

 

So here I am. On my own. I think I have made it past the biggest hurrdle. Which is to not give up, throw the towel in, and call it quits. Hard thing for me to do. I have never been on my own before. I will remain strong. Heck, I've even got to rebuild my Dream Realm back up. All of my alters and their love interests have had the help of my partner to create. Now I've got to start from scratch. It can be done though. If I am still alive now even though my world has been shattered then I mut be strong enough to pick up the pieces and build something of my own.

 

Remember the tale of the Scorpion and the Frog. Sometimes what is in our nature hurts others and even, ultimately, brings about our own destruction. Sometimes we are strong enough to fight our nature for other's sake. Sometimes not. I am fighting mine, with every fiber of my being. For what he has done I wish to destroy him and myself. I wish to bring about his destruction. I cannot. I cannot because there would be no going back. I do wish to have another chance with him.

 

I know that many of you do not think it is best, or even healthy. I know otherwise. There is a connection me and him share. It is hard to put everything into words so that you all can understand. And belive it or not he has been the healthyest person for me out of all my relationships. We fit.

 

But at the end of these new days there is only one thing on my mind.

 

Sink or Swim.

 

I need to become strong enough to take care of myself right now. Not only mentally, but finacially. I need to be able to live on my own before I am strong enough to be what he needs. For all those concerned I am very much so working on myself and bettering my living situation, first and foremost, for myself. Only myself. If me and him cross paths then we do. I need to learn right now to take care of myself.

[Jules]

You sound like a very brave person. Hang in there...you're worth it. (: