Wild Minds Network

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Amanda Lynne's Blog (17)

Bi-Polar Disorder

Well, just a few days ago at my doctor's visit I was diagnosed with another mental illness, bipolar disorder. I also have ADHD and anxiety/ depression. At this point I feel just all messed up, this is too much. I feel like a mistake.. but anyway does anyone else here also suffer from bipolar as well and does it affect your md in any extra way?

Added by Amanda Lynne on June 16, 2014 at 1:17pm — 3 Comments

How can I get through this without daydreaming?

     I know everybody gets their heart broken at some point in their life. I always thought people exaggerated the pain but if anything they undersold it. This is the worst grief I have ever felt. I go through the day and just realize I have tears going down my face and I don't even notice it, it's embarrassing. I was so happy and now it's gone, and everytime I think about it I just wanna scream. And the only thing that helps me feel better is daydreaming. But I don't want to do that…

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Added by Amanda Lynne on June 12, 2014 at 3:57pm — 1 Comment

Making The Daydreams a Reality

     I'm no stranger to sadness and feeling hopeless, I've been diagnosed with depression afterall. But a few days ago it was different. It was really bad. I've wanted to die before. I've prayed for God to end my life before so I don't have to. But I never came close to doing it. Until a few days ago.

     I found myself sitting on my bathroom floor staring at my medication, genuinely contemplating giving up. I had my note written and everything. A part of me tried to talk myself out…

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Added by Amanda Lynne on June 10, 2014 at 4:56pm — 4 Comments

MD is ruining my life.

Hey guys, I haven't been on here in probably over a year. & that probably has something to do with the fact that last spring I met a guy who I thought was the one. I didn't think it was possible for someone to even give me a chance, because I am so strange & isolated. But he did & it lasted a year. & then he left. And he took all the security and content I had gained from the relationship, and then some, with him. He was my happiness, maybe it wasn't sincere happiness, but it's… Continue

Added by Amanda Lynne on June 4, 2014 at 5:24pm — No Comments

Weakness and insecurity.

Hey y'all, haven't been on in a looong time, hope everyone's doing great. :) Some ups & downs here, but that's life.



Well, lately I've been trying to make sense of my daydreams. As in 'why am I daydreaming about this?' I guess looking for the feelings hidden beneath the fantasy. Because my whole life that's how I've handled my feelings.



Sometimes I daydream simply because I'm bored. Bad habit, but I'm working on it.

But a lot of times, I daydream because like I… Continue

Added by Amanda Lynne on November 22, 2012 at 4:04pm — 3 Comments

Having all the answers but still doing it wrong.

     It's all really frustrating with me. I know what I'm doing wrong, and I know how to fix it, I just don't. I hate myself for that. I feel like I have no self-control or will-power. The thing with me is I always have a plan of action, if you asked me any question, I could give you a life-saving answer, btu the doing part, it's harder. I'm just getting tired of everything.

 

    Today I've been a raging B word to say the least. My cousin & aunt came over and I wasn't…

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Added by Amanda Lynne on August 1, 2012 at 5:53pm — 4 Comments

Rainy cloud over my head. (LONG)

     Hey y'all. Hope everyone has been doing well. This is just gonna be me complaining, explaining and sorting out my thoughts on my daydreaming problems lately. I have no right to complain, some people have it so much harder, and I know this very well, but I have to let it out somewhere. I think that's why my emotions are so strong and powerful, because I never let them out or express them, I just keep them inside and let them grow,…

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Added by Amanda Lynne on July 18, 2012 at 3:41pm — 3 Comments

First Day on Meds..

Today I finally got prescribed for some medicine for my ADD. I am taking Vyvanse. I'm starting off one pill in the morning. I took one today, early afternoon. As soon as I took it I felt amazing. It's like my senses came to life, I was happy, less drowsy, more focused, didn't care what people thought, less random thinking, less self-consious, didn't…

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Added by Amanda Lynne on June 28, 2012 at 2:00pm — 8 Comments

Why?

i can't help but ask myself after i daydream for a long time why am i okay with this? why does it feel the same, or much better than real life should? why give me the skill of knowing all the answers if i can never act on it?

 

i'm scared everybody's right. this is all i'll ever be. a dreamer. a dreamer can be a beautiful thing if their dreams make…

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Added by Amanda Lynne on June 20, 2012 at 8:13pm — 6 Comments

"I can stop anytime."

     That's what I noticed I tend to tell myself when I'm daydreaming. "Ahh, I can stop if I want, I just don't want to right now." "I'll start tomorrow!" But I can't and I know I can't. It's like I can't control myself. I can't trust myself to not daydream. I don't know how to discipline myself. I procrastinate. & this isn't something I need to put off. I wanna be a little better for next school year. I swore this summer I'd do better but I feel I'm doing worse. That's what's really…

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Added by Amanda Lynne on June 13, 2012 at 5:01pm — 1 Comment

Acceptance. (Kind of:)

 I've been doing a lot of thinking. When people use the word "introvert" to describe me, I get really sensitive. Why are words like "weird" and "introverted" negative to most people (myself)? I'm starting to see a positive side to it.

 

  Don't get me wrong, the maladaptive daydreaming has got to stop. I don't think I could ever see it as a positive thing for me, maladaptive means counterproductive. Daydreaming, just daydreaming every now and then and letting your imagination…

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Added by Amanda Lynne on May 26, 2012 at 10:56am — 2 Comments

"Falling from cloud nine, crashing from the high."

Today wasn't the best. My third day at driver's ed, the last two were fine, nothing big, but today during our thirty minute break I kinda stood alone awkwardly, and I had two so called friends who just passed me up and then I saw them pointing at me and laughing and it made me mad and broke my heart. Eventually I went to sit next to my other friend, which I didn't want to cause I felt like I was annoying her, but I didn't wanna stand alone anymore. So I sat next to her and she didn't seem…

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Added by Amanda Lynne on May 25, 2012 at 3:23pm — 4 Comments

Selfish Daydreamer?

  I was doing great daydreaming, and I gave myself a little time to daydream and I couldn't stop for two days. I blew off my family, barely paid attention to my friends on the last days of school, and almost got ran over because I can't get out my stupid little fantasy.

 

  People say (I have said before) that you should give yourself a set time to daydream but if I do then I can't stop and it's so hard to get back in that motivated mind set for me, once I've…

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Added by Amanda Lynne on May 18, 2012 at 3:40pm — 8 Comments

Emptiness.

Lately, I've been getting better at controlling myself and not daydreaming all the time.

 

But I'm surprised at how depressed I get. Is it like a withdrawal thing... has anyone else dealt with this? It's like if you're not daydreaming you're forced to face real life, and real life isn't the happiest thing for someone who's daydreamed their life away. It really empties me, like I don't have much to think about.

Added by Amanda Lynne on May 15, 2012 at 4:52pm — 5 Comments

Some of my techniques :)

So, I've been going to the doctor, gettin' tested for ADD and all that, and I'm still waiting for the results. Have to admit, I'd be really excited to get some "focus medicine" but I know at the end of the day, that stuff wears off and I have to have some kinda inner will power.

 

Sooo, here's some of the stuff I do to keep from daydreaming:

 

1)I get P.O'd

Sounds weird, but I do and it helps. Not at myself, at whatever's making me daydream. I kinda kick it…

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Added by Amanda Lynne on May 14, 2012 at 3:31pm — 4 Comments

Confusion.

That word sums up life right now. Confused, overwhelmed, and hopeless. That's how it feels.

I went to a therpist this week, she was nice, she said all my goals were acheivable but I don't think she understands. How hard it is to stop. I hate mental disorders. I used to want to be a therapist and now I just hate everything about social science and psychology. I hate anything that puts emotions and personalities to a science. Like "if you're shy or anxious and don't have friends, you…

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Added by Amanda Lynne on May 4, 2012 at 4:03pm — No Comments

Not Taking No For An Answer .

Last night I told my mom about everything. I tried to start it off as no big deal, but naturally, I ended up crying and saying stuff that didn't even make sense.

She was really nice about it, which honestly makes it worse for me. I feel like the biggest dissapointment ever as a kid. Which I know is wrong, because I didn't ask for this, it's no one's fault. She's thinking I might have a mild case of Asperger's. When she said that I blew up. I was surprised at how upset I…

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Added by Amanda Lynne on April 27, 2012 at 2:07pm — No Comments

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