Acceptance. (Kind of:)

[Amanda Lynne]

 I've been doing a lot of thinking. When people use the word "introvert" to describe me, I get really sensitive. Why are words like "weird" and "introverted" negative to most people (myself)? I'm starting to see a positive side to it.

 

  Don't get me wrong, the maladaptive daydreaming has got to stop. I don't think I could ever see it as a positive thing for me, maladaptive means counterproductive. Daydreaming, just daydreaming every now and then and letting your imagination take over isn't such a bad thing. That opens all kinds of doors if you learn how to use it to your advantage. I need to get control of my mind and imagination, but it doesn't mean I have to throw it away I guess.

 

  I'm starting to see all the good things. Life hasn't been nearly as bad as I made it out to be. Yes, I have problems. I have trouble focusing and I need help and I'll take help. I have an addiction to daydreaming, and I need to break that addiction. I have terrible self-esteem and I need to learn to improve my "self-talk". But I have friends, friends I need to open up to and listen to more, but they're there. I am self-obsessed and that needs to stop. There's so much more to life than my own mind.

 

  Well basically, this summer I was planning to be totally different. Extroverted, outgoing, thoughtless, etc. Now I just want balance. I love people and I love excitement and laughing. Socializing is something I enjoy and I need to do more often and get better at. I think I'll always be the kind of person that after a week-long vacation or something like that, I can enjoy it and have the time of my life, but after that I'll need a little while to myself and that doesn't seem like such a bad thing. Balance would be nice, I can work for that. Higher self-esteem, no longer addicted to daydreaming and paying more attention to the real world, but not throwing away my thoughtfulness. Not throwing away the things that make me me. Like throwing out all the weeds and keeping the flowers. This is a hard part of life, and I need my own love more than anyone else's right now. I think it'll be okay, for the first time in a while. I'm still gonna fight, but instead of pulling my hair and crying everytime I daydream off, I can learn to tell myself it's okay, just keep trying. I feel a lot better now. I don't think words like "introvert" and "weird" are mean words anymore.

 

Sorry for posting so much, this should be the last one for a while. Thanks anyone who read this, hope everyone is doing well.

[Amanda Lynne]

Thanks, Emilia, I'm no ex-dreamer yet but if I ever get there I'll definitley post about how I did it.

[Laura Gardiner]

Right on, Amanda!!!