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Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
Weakness and insecurity.
Hey y'all, haven't been on in a looong time, hope everyone's doing great. :) Some ups & downs here, but that's life.
Well, lately I've been trying to make sense of my daydreams. As in 'why am I daydreaming about this?' I guess looking for the feelings hidden beneath the fantasy. Because my whole life that's how I've handled my feelings.
Sometimes I daydream simply because I'm bored. Bad habit, but I'm working on it.
But a lot of times, I daydream because like I said, that's how I project my feelings, instead of actually thinking thoughts, I daydream them away.
My happy daydreams are generally very realistic I guess. I'm usually me, just confident. I have tons of friends (Most that I know in RL) & I'm not afraid to be my crazy self. I boast in my imperfections and I laugh and goof off like I wish I could again in RL. I guess this is just due to my inability to live out these feelings because of my high standards, insecurity and detachment. Maybe because dreaming is easier than doing.
My ideal self daydreams, I'm usually a celebrity or I put myself in some kind of story. I'm always like a heroin or someone people strongly admire. My character is still me, just confident. I'm often the center of attention in these. I also generally save or help someone out. I feel this is my need for attention and praise and overwhelmingly high expectations for myself.
And then there's the sad daydreams. I just a while ago was having these. It was triggered by my "friend" not being a good friend and ditching me to bring someone else where we were going to go and not even telling me. I was mad, but more at myself than her, thus brought on the sad daydream.
Sometimes these are people's reactions to my suicide. They very often center around me being in physical pain and distress and people feeling bad for me.
But lately, and in the dream a while ago, my sad daydreams are a voice of reason in a way. It's a reoccuring one where I'm sitting on the ground crying and some woman I have never seen before is telling me things like "People treat you like s*** bc you treat yourself like ****" and telling me "You're beautiful and kind, you've done no wrong, why are you so mean to yourself?" I'm often crying and pacing at the same time. But I think I must be learning something if my sad daydreams are in a way, trying to wake me up.
I'm getting better at thinking through my feelings and not daydreaming. Also at putting things in perspective and not constantly beating myself up. And not letting people make my feelings feel invalid. Though sometimes they are very very invalid, sometimes some people will do me wrong and I'll let them convince me that I'm overreacting when I'm truly not. I'm done questioning myself 24/7 and being a human door mat. I haven't been doing perfect but I'm trying.
Maybe some of y'all can relate to this, idk just had to vent. Sending love and prayers y'alls way. Happy thanksgiving!
Well, lately I've been trying to make sense of my daydreams. As in 'why am I daydreaming about this?' I guess looking for the feelings hidden beneath the fantasy. Because my whole life that's how I've handled my feelings.
Sometimes I daydream simply because I'm bored. Bad habit, but I'm working on it.
But a lot of times, I daydream because like I said, that's how I project my feelings, instead of actually thinking thoughts, I daydream them away.
My happy daydreams are generally very realistic I guess. I'm usually me, just confident. I have tons of friends (Most that I know in RL) & I'm not afraid to be my crazy self. I boast in my imperfections and I laugh and goof off like I wish I could again in RL. I guess this is just due to my inability to live out these feelings because of my high standards, insecurity and detachment. Maybe because dreaming is easier than doing.
My ideal self daydreams, I'm usually a celebrity or I put myself in some kind of story. I'm always like a heroin or someone people strongly admire. My character is still me, just confident. I'm often the center of attention in these. I also generally save or help someone out. I feel this is my need for attention and praise and overwhelmingly high expectations for myself.
And then there's the sad daydreams. I just a while ago was having these. It was triggered by my "friend" not being a good friend and ditching me to bring someone else where we were going to go and not even telling me. I was mad, but more at myself than her, thus brought on the sad daydream.
Sometimes these are people's reactions to my suicide. They very often center around me being in physical pain and distress and people feeling bad for me.
But lately, and in the dream a while ago, my sad daydreams are a voice of reason in a way. It's a reoccuring one where I'm sitting on the ground crying and some woman I have never seen before is telling me things like "People treat you like s*** bc you treat yourself like ****" and telling me "You're beautiful and kind, you've done no wrong, why are you so mean to yourself?" I'm often crying and pacing at the same time. But I think I must be learning something if my sad daydreams are in a way, trying to wake me up.
I'm getting better at thinking through my feelings and not daydreaming. Also at putting things in perspective and not constantly beating myself up. And not letting people make my feelings feel invalid. Though sometimes they are very very invalid, sometimes some people will do me wrong and I'll let them convince me that I'm overreacting when I'm truly not. I'm done questioning myself 24/7 and being a human door mat. I haven't been doing perfect but I'm trying.
Maybe some of y'all can relate to this, idk just had to vent. Sending love and prayers y'alls way. Happy thanksgiving!
Views: 211
Comment
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Comment by Silla Bakht on December 9, 2012 at 4:45am
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This also happens to me.nowadays i daydream of a princess & i'm going totally mad as the days passes.
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Comment by Kevin M on November 24, 2012 at 4:02pm
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Your ideal-self daydreams sound a lot like mine. I can totally relate. Good for you for trying to work through your feelings.
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Comment by greyartist on November 22, 2012 at 5:01pm
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sounds like you're making progress. Connecting your DDs to your feelings is a great way to start getting control over them. IMO. Happy thanksgiving.
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