Mira's Blog (16)

I can't seem to do anything

I've been trying not to daydream on my week off, but now that's resulting in all sorts of anxiety crowding in, angry thoughts, weird ideas, etc. I got a few things done. But most of the day feels wasted. I could hardly sit down and concentrate on a book. I literally have no concept of how to relax in real life. :(

Added by Mira on November 17, 2015 at 6:12pm — 4 Comments

"I Never Promised You a Rose Garden" by Joanne Greenberg

Has anybody else read this book? I found it by accident in a box of books by the side of the road. Synopsis (I didn't write this):

I Never Promised You a Rose Garden is the story of a sixteen-year-old who retreats from reality into the bondage of a lushly imagined but threatening kingdom, and her slow and painful journey back to sanity.



Chronicles the three-year battle of a mentally ill, but perceptive, teenage girl against a world of her own creation,…

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Added by Mira on November 16, 2015 at 2:32pm — 3 Comments

Wow...3 years Later

It's funny to read my old posts about my therapist- I don't recall him ever "encouraging" me to daydream, or ever saying it was healthy, though early on he was more concerned about WHAT I was daydreaming about, and why. I've spent a lot of time discussing with him since then the many things that made me use daydreaming as a coping mechanism.

I really like my therapist. I'm not romantically attracted to him or anything, but he and I ended up having a surprising number of things in…

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Added by Mira on November 14, 2015 at 1:14pm — 1 Comment

Nothing But the Untruth

I complain to my therapist sometimes about my daydreaming. How much I do it, how it takes away from reading, writing, more constructive activities, etc. The more stressed out I get, the more I bury myself in my thoughts, even though doing even ONE thing that is productive or relaxing will give me a boost of confidence, or at least clear my head in a proper fashion.  (Managing to do anything in my free time besides daydreaming or vegetating in front of my computer always makes me proud) It…

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Added by Mira on May 15, 2012 at 6:30pm — 2 Comments

The Worst Kind of Reality

I've spent a lot of time in my life around people were kind of...emotionally volatile and very dramatic. One of these people, a former roommate of mine, was extremely insecure and very socially awkward. He was moody, kind of catty, and he got rejected by people so often, he started to reject people before they even had a chance to reject him. He was often very suicidal.

(But I wouldn't be surprised if he also had a very rich fantasy life.)

But, through living with him, I also…

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Added by Mira on December 3, 2011 at 6:42pm — 7 Comments

Back, With a Vengeance

Things are getting stressful at work, so I've been indulging in various ongoing fantasies lately, which isn't really helping me get things at work done any faster. 

And of course, some of them have revolved around him, too. (Though not exclusively)

Though my brain my must have taken a strange left turn somewhere, because he's suddenly figuring quite prominently in my regular, nighttime dreams. Up until recently, I had maybe...three dreams about him, total, over a three…

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Added by Mira on November 29, 2011 at 7:08pm — 2 Comments

The Jig Is Up

Well, he now knows. I brought it up (it was really hard!) and managed to describe it in general terms, without really giving any details. Maybe I will later, but I'm still really self-conscious about it. Hell, it rattles me that I'm even posting about it on this website.

I'm aware that that kind of makes his job harder- he's my therapist after all, it's his job to analyse this stuff- but I'm kind of taking it in baby steps. 

After my four day "cold turkey", it's been a little…

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Added by Mira on November 5, 2011 at 4:19pm — 3 Comments

Ever daydream about time travel?

I'm guessing the answer to this one is yes, but... ;)

Do you guys ever daydream about going back in time (intentionally or unintentionally) and reliving things differently? Making different choices? Giving certain people what-for?

I look back at highschool and say to myself, if I had known then what I know now, I could have really made some waves. And then that turns into a delightful romp of a daydream where I breeze through my classes, dress better, and use stronger language,…

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Added by Mira on November 1, 2011 at 7:41pm — 6 Comments

The can of worms has been opened...kind of.

I brought up the daydreaming to my therapist yesterday. I described (very generally) what I was experiencing, and refused to give any details when asked. He seemed somewhat curious, but eventually the conversation went in other directions anyway. Our discussions as of late have more or less revolved around the same issues.

Thing is, I didn't have the balls to actually mention that most of my daydreams lately were about him...So I emailed him instead,afterward. I didn't go into any…

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Added by Mira on October 29, 2011 at 6:13am — 3 Comments

Day 3 & 4

I've found that my brain has kind of flipped back to the angry thoughts a bit about people I know, but I've tried to keep myself distracted by other things as much as possible.

My daydreams (the positive, imaginative ones) are just insulation for me from my anxiety. When I push those away, I start to ruminate and stew and worry instead. I try not to, but I can't seem to help it.

Last night was pretty awesome- it's my birthday this week, so I hung out with some people at the bar…

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Added by Mira on October 27, 2011 at 11:02am — 1 Comment

Day 2

After reading some comments on my first post, I realized maybe I was being a bit of a tightass about it. Today I daydreamed about him just a little...mostly I was contemplating/remembering the various things he and I have been talking about lately. 

But I also came home, spent time with BF and then spent like an hour or so playing Singstar, because I want to do karaoke tomorrow night, and it's easier if I warm myself up to it. (I love it but I get terrible stage fright) I think I…

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Added by Mira on October 25, 2011 at 7:12pm — No Comments

Day 1

While I haven't managed to completely avoid DD about him, I managed it for the most part. Mind you, it's caused me to ruminate more about things that make me angry, and it hasn't stopped me from from thinking about him entirely, just...less so.

I've just kept myself distracted, really.

 

I hope, I hope, I hope I can fill the gap with positive things. Or at least constructive things. Like being on this messageboard- the next time I see him, we're probably going to discuss…

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Added by Mira on October 24, 2011 at 5:53pm — No Comments

Cold Turkey?

I am going to ATTEMPT to NOT daydream about...him...for the next four days. It'll be hard. Really hard. Hopefully I won't resort to other forms of daydreaming just to distract myself. But I feel like I'm losing my mind. I need to think about SOMETHING ELSE for a change. 

If I can stick to an eating regimen long enough to lose 20lbs (and believe me, no one's more surprised than I am that I managed that), then I can put my brain on a diet, at least for a little while, right?…

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Added by Mira on October 23, 2011 at 7:55pm — 4 Comments

When Dreams...Come True?

I have such terrible self-esteem and have spent so much time in my life daydreaming myself as confident and talented, that there have been more than a few instances where I try to do something and it's not nearly as easy as I dreamed it to be (because of course, in reality, I don't know enough about it). That gives me an overall impression of myself as clumsy and untalented.

But am I? Or am I just impatient?

I have a ukulele and I love it, but I've never put enough time and…

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Added by Mira on October 21, 2011 at 7:22pm — 1 Comment

A poem that I love

Let me preface this by saying that I ADORE poetry- reading it, writing it, hearing it. It absorbs me more than most things and takes me out of myself, and yet is short enough for me to absorb in small chunks. Here is a poem that I always think describes what goes on in my head:

 

"Pursuit" by Stephen Dobyns

 

Each thing I do I rush through so I can do

something else. In…

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Added by Mira on October 20, 2011 at 8:03pm — 6 Comments

First Post - Therapeutic Obsession

I'm a little unsure what to post here- what if someone I know reads it?? I'm so paranoid about Internet privacy...

 

I've been daydreaming for a long time. For as long as I can remember. I've never had imaginary friends, per se, I've always just dreamed up alternate versions of my own life.  Scenarios and events far more exciting than the ones that actually happen to me. 

 

In reality I'm quite shy and have low self-esteem. I have a lot of anxiety. I'm afraid of…

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Added by Mira on October 19, 2011 at 8:09pm — 5 Comments

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