Cold Turkey?

[Mira]

I am going to ATTEMPT to NOT daydream about...him...for the next four days. It'll be hard. Really hard. Hopefully I won't resort to other forms of daydreaming just to distract myself. But I feel like I'm losing my mind. I need to think about SOMETHING ELSE for a change. 

If I can stick to an eating regimen long enough to lose 20lbs (and believe me, no one's more surprised than I am that I managed that), then I can put my brain on a diet, at least for a little while, right? Right??

I need to focus on other things. My upcoming birthday. My day off. My work. A story. 

But...it's like having an imaginary friend. It's like having a Commedia dell'arte of one character, in my head.

Just thinking about going cold turkey is giving me the shakes, and a slight panic attack. Separation anxiety. 

I need this, but I don't want this. It could mean four days of all of my guilt and self-criticism flooding back into my head to fill the space. All of my unresolved conflicts and bad memories. I hope that's not the case, but it often is. 

But I want to try to prove something to myself. Even if i don't totally succeed. Even if I only manage it a little bit. I'm sick of making this my crutch.

 

(Also, no more chocolate bars, I've been eating too many of those lately)

 

"Wonder" - David Francey

 

Well, I hold this love

Like the smallest bird

And I hear each sigh

Each tender word

Any hour spent

In a day with you

Is a moment's mercy

For a heart so blue

 

When there's only you in my world

When there's only you in my world

 

And we'll only talk

'Cause that's how things are

You're as far from me

As the farthest star

Oh and how I wonder

Wonder who you are?

 

When there's only you in my world

When there's only you in my world

One boy and just one girl

When there's only you in my world

 

And a heart will break

And a heart will mend

When I see your face

When we meet again

And that heart will hope

With all its might

For the briefest kiss

At the edge of night

 

Tell me why baby, why baby why

You make me cry baby, cry baby cry

I tell you no lie baby, lie baby lie

I'm gonna cry baby, cry baby cry

 

[Mira]

Thanks! I used the GI Diet. I basically laid out a simple, straightforward (but attractive to me) eating plan and just did it more or less the same way, day in, day out. The fact that I'm off in la-la land most of the time actually worked as an advantage, because I HATE preparing food, but once I trained myself to go on auto-pilot, my diet wasn't so hard.

[anna]

Congrats on the weight loss! I don't know you well but making me read these types of posts always motivates me so thank you for that :). I feel you on the chocolate bars (my second addiction next to daydreaming at the moment). 

Anyways good luck on the challenge :)

[Mira]

Oh, he's real alright. If he was fictional I'm sure I wouldn't be so hard on myself. I see him next on Friday. Hence the "four days" - just trying to challenge myself.

[BilboBaggins]

Just curious, is "him" an imagined person or real life? Either way, good luck! I have faith in you!!
Regarding the chocolate bars: that might be an even harder challenge, speaking as a dark chocolate addict- i know the pain.