Queen Dopamine's Blog (20)

3 days of (accidentally) not daydreaming

I started therapy a week ago. I'm wondering if it has had some sort of impact on the way  I get in touch with my emotions. Or perhaps, my focus (or lack thereof) has been on different distractions. I've probably spent way more time on the internet. Although, I've done my fair share of work. It's odd. Maybe my interactions at work have really fulfilled my need for emotional validation and attention, which daydreaming usually fills. I have sort of felt this void for daydreaming, but I fill it…

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Added by Queen Dopamine on April 30, 2014 at 10:30pm — 2 Comments

I made a gif from my interview as Alex Stone!!

My first gif ever! And I took it from the interview I did as my main character, as part of Escarei's The Famous Project. I just thought this was so cool.

Added by Queen Dopamine on April 17, 2014 at 8:09pm — No Comments

Written at 3 am in January

It’s a rare night.

Sleepless. Slightly haunted. In a good way though.

Feeling the memories of past nights reverberate in my bones.

My skin remembers what my head does not.

Things that other people said to me echo in my brain like I just heard it yesterday

But it has been so much longer than that.

Everything feels so far away.

I’m behind a veil.

I’m looking sideways.

I feel a thousand things that I said before on my lips tonight again.

I’m aching…

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Added by Queen Dopamine on April 6, 2014 at 1:03pm — 2 Comments

Validation, Emotional Attachment, and Daydreams

I didn't receive the type of validation and attention that children should receive. I don't think many of us did.  It caused me in my teens and early 20s to struggle for an acceptance and validation that cannot be found outside of one's parents. I think it's an issue many people struggle with, whether or not they have daydreams. 

What makes it interesting enough for me to post about it though is how these issues are affecting my daydreams. My assistant manager at my job is, in short,…

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Added by Queen Dopamine on April 3, 2014 at 7:08pm — 7 Comments

Interview with my main character, Alex Stone

I posted this in the Famous Project thread that escarei started, but I thought I would share here separately, for those who aren't following that post.

I got into character as Alex and conducted my own real interview. It was a lot of fun! I hope more of you make videos like this, even if you just give us the raw, uncut footage. It would be really interesting to me!…

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Added by Queen Dopamine on March 28, 2014 at 7:54pm — 6 Comments

Vaguely discontent, inexplicably ashamed, regrettably desiring attention

I haven't felt like this in awhile, but I am at such a low point in my self-esteem today (or perhaps sleep deprivation) that I find myself feeling ashamed for no particular reason. Then, of course, I start remembering every little thing I've said or done in the past 7 days that I am embarrassed by, or even have the mild possibility of being embarrassed by. Not to mention the general feeling of discontent in my stomach, like I'm waiting for something, desiring something, needing something…

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Added by Queen Dopamine on March 9, 2014 at 9:15pm — 1 Comment

My video is finally done! The one I obsessed over and blogged about

 

The video I obsessed over is finally finished. It became my obsession in place of daydreaming for awhile, but it's done. These characters are who I want to be. Or maybe a famous, lucrative video editor is what I want to be. I can't tell. But either way, it makes me feel things that I want to replicate in real life.

Also, not sure that video will work embedded, …

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Added by Queen Dopamine on February 22, 2014 at 12:00am — 13 Comments

Does anyone have Tumblr?

I am on there fairly often. I don't post about MD much, but sometimes I do. If you want to follow me anyway though, it's http://illtakethestairs.tumblr.com Don't feel obligated to follow if you don't like it. Just thought I'd throw it out there, for anyone who gets on Tumblr a lot. :)

Added by Queen Dopamine on February 20, 2014 at 7:58am — 3 Comments

Confusing feelings of identity--and the trade off of daydreaming for another obsession

I'm slipping. I'm losing touch with reality. And it all started with an innocent video.

I think everyone's daydreams play out like movie scenes. Often times for me, I do something similar with music and create a music video, both in my head and while I'm acting it out. Sometimes, this leads to me making actual videos of me dancing or doing whatever. The most recent urge to do this started on Thursday when I filmed some scenes of me doing my version of a particular song.

I…

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Added by Queen Dopamine on February 16, 2014 at 2:03pm — 12 Comments

Can't sleep

I've been physically exhausted since 8pm. But it's 2AM now, and I'm still awake. Thankfully, I've been somewhat productive during this random bout of mental energy. Well, I wouldn't call it that. Perhaps just mental unrest. That unsettled feeling that won't allow you to sleep. 

I haven't daydreamed today. But that's possibly irrelevant. I'm distracted by my desperation in my current job search. But I'd rather be evicted from my apartment than go back to the job I was just at.…

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Added by Queen Dopamine on February 11, 2014 at 12:00am — 4 Comments

Adderall for my daydreaming

I have not been prescribed this medication by a doctor, but I have taken 10mg on a couple of occasions for the purported energy that it gives you. Not only did I feel more productive and less all over the place, I didn't have the urge to daydream while on it (three separate times). Don't get me wrong, I will still daydream. But I will do it on purpose, instead of getting up compulsively from my desk during an assignment. I don't feel distracted by the scenarios and the feelings in my head. I…

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Added by Queen Dopamine on January 28, 2014 at 6:00pm — 14 Comments

Crying during daydreams

So this new thing has started happening. Today has marked the second time where I have cried during a daydream. The first time I did it was only two days ago. I act out my daydreaming scenarios as they happen in my head, from facial expressions, to gestures, to dialogue, to actually moving around the room as they would (though I also just tend to generally pace around, even if they are sitting still). The content of my daydreams can be emotionally gripping and over-powering. In these two…

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Added by Queen Dopamine on January 26, 2014 at 4:59pm — 20 Comments

New daydream content today and the hard-hitting emotions that come with it

This song was my "soundtrack". 

A little background: my main character is named Alex Stone. He is currently 42. He came back from Italy after 3 years of making new friends and embarking on new adventures. Along the way, he stopped drinking (besides the glass of wine with dinner), stopped the party animal lifestyle, and stopped having casual sex.

Upon his return to the States, he and his estranged best friend/brother have…

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Added by Queen Dopamine on January 15, 2014 at 6:10pm — 4 Comments

I rarely daydream at work, but today is an exception

I've shared this elsewhere on the site,  but I'm one of those who pace when they daydream. More specifically though, I act out my daydreams, speaking the lines and, essentially, carrying out the character's actions as if I really were the character (in my mind, the scenes/actions play out like a movie). This limits my daydreaming time to when I'm completely alone/at home. At work or in the car, I can do it if I really want to. It's no problem to talk out loud while I'm in the car, or rock…

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Added by Queen Dopamine on January 13, 2014 at 10:00am — 1 Comment

Current daydreaming scenario

I posted this in the forum under a thread about current daydreams, but I felt it was necessary to post here because I find it so interesting.

My current daydreaming scenario is a little unconventional, but it intrigued me enough to explore it in real life. Pole dancing! For fitness, not for a living. ;) My main character is actually a male, and though in some ways he represents characteristics I wish I had, I don't consider him an idealized version of me (though my boyfriend tells me…

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Added by Queen Dopamine on January 7, 2014 at 6:30am — 1 Comment

How my daydreams motivate me

I have been there before. Where I'm in a perpetual state of fantasy only to guard me from reality. Most of you are there. Trapped in your minds, living out your daydreams, but feeling isolated and discontent with real life. Others of you are happy you don't have to live in the real world; after all, you created a fantasy world so that you could escape the harsh, cruel world.

I've felt all those things. I still do. I'm not the most introverted person in the world, but I'm definitely no…

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Added by Queen Dopamine on January 6, 2014 at 8:36am — 4 Comments

Don't want to let go

I've let my daydreaming get worse. In the past few weeks, my relationships have become strained and more stressful. With finals breathing down my neck and various writing clients to write for, I stayed busy, but I was lonely. Thus my daydreaming increased. A lot. What's worse is that I realized it was becoming a problem, but I didn't want to change. I didn't want to stop it.



I can't even make it through a whole day of work, my concentration is such crap. I've lost motivation for…

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Added by Queen Dopamine on December 26, 2013 at 7:28am — 1 Comment

Day 5 of no Facebook or Tumblr

I have this urge to share things on Tumblr and Facebook. To announce things, to connect with others, to share in the commonality of life. I like to interact with people, get their feedback, and enjoy the community. I even do this on Youtube, which, as you may already know, is like going into a lion's den. I've had roughly 74,000 urges over the past 5 days to log into Tumblr and Facebook again. But I'm determined to hold off on Tumblr for another few days, at least, and Facebook for a whole…

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Added by Queen Dopamine on December 22, 2013 at 7:00pm — 1 Comment

I'm sorry, upstairs neighbor in my apartment complex

I sing a little too loudly along with my music when my characters are singing. I get embarrassingly into it, and unfortunately, though Alex and Jordan are good singers, I'm not. 

Added by Queen Dopamine on December 21, 2013 at 10:08am — 10 Comments

Facebook and Tumblr Addiction: Done

Hello, Wild Minds Network! 



I am new here. In honor of going on a fast from Tumblr and Facebook, I decided to make my first official blog post. I'm excited to get to know you all and talk with you. I've joined a few groups and I would eventually like to share some of my "scenarios" and introduce you all to my characters :) I'm sooo thrilled to have a community of people who not only understand, but who actually do this, too!! I'm 25 and I've been in denial for years that I do…

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Added by Queen Dopamine on December 17, 2013 at 6:30pm — 3 Comments

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