Don't want to let go

[Queen Dopamine]

I've let my daydreaming get worse. In the past few weeks, my relationships have become strained and more stressful. With finals breathing down my neck and various writing clients to write for, I stayed busy, but I was lonely. Thus my daydreaming increased. A lot. What's worse is that I realized it was becoming a problem, but I didn't want to change. I didn't want to stop it.

I can't even make it through a whole day of work, my concentration is such crap. I've lost motivation for exercise and my job. I feel the deep longing for my personal relationships that still need to be repaired. I feel a void in me. I'm dissatisfied. But I fear letting go of this one thing I can control, the one thing that pleases me. At times, I think, well why should I try to stop it or change it? I like doing it and it helps keep me feeling balanced and calm. I know it's been more of a problem lately. Life has been more of a problem though lately.

I don't know what I could really attribute it to. You can't always change your circumstances, you can only change your reaction, right? Yeah. So instead of seeing that as a positive thing, I see it as an excuse to have indulgences here and there that make me feel guilty (food, coffee, those types of vices) and, of course, as en excuse to daydream.

[Queen Dopamine]

haha! Thank you for this. Today, I would say I did push through, as you say. I try to at least stay focused on some of the things I set up for myself, even if I can't do them all. Although, now it's night time and I'm becoming more inclined to give into the dark side. hah.