Sort of a mini fantasy involving me being my own car mechanic/electrician or Miss Fix-It-All!  It kind of feels nice.

Here's reality:

So yesterday morning my car wouldn't start yet again.  It happened before, had it towed to a shop that had it towed to a dealer to enter a security code to reset the stupid security system that disabled the fuel pump.  Only dealers have this security code.  I'm not paying nearly $300 and going without my car for half a week again!  Not…

At least I think so... I was feeling a little better yesterday and even better today.  Talking to people has helped.  Both the Prosecuting Attorney and a lady from the Resource Center told me that I can still file a report with the police, if anyone else reports that she sexually abused them my report could help their case.  Of course its highly possible nothing could come of it.  But at least I did something.  And the Resource Center is going to have an advocate help me file the report,…

But at least I tried... or so it goes.  Why do pedophiles get away with it?  Its way past the criminal statute for her to face charges.  And because she has purposely kept herself unemployed and has no assets, I can't even file a civil claim against her because it would waste my time and money.  She gets to live life free and without consequences for her actions.

Meanwhile on the news in a city south of where I live,…

Over the last couple of days I switched back to one of my other daydream worlds after concentrating on another for quite a few months.  The one I've switched back to, I have lots of people around who love me.  Family and friends, I'm married and have kids.  I have a brother who's married to my best friend.  I'm talented and so is everyone around me, all in different ways.  Mine and my brother's childhood is tragic, (in some ways mirroring my real life) but we pulled through and are stronger…

Taking a break from house cleaning to do a blog update.  Its been a while so its due.  Been too busy at work and not on the computer at home much lately... Here goes.

Dr. C has upped my antidepressant and one of my migraine preventatives.  Seems to be helping so far.  We'll have to see what happens in the long term.  I've noticed that with the antidepressant (Zoloft) that I've not been daydream binging.  My daydreaming is a more tolerable amount, that middle balance that I've…

Between work, family, fiance, car issues, and camp meetings I am just about done.  I have not had any alone time since Friday and tonight won't be any different.  I look forward to tomorrow night.  Not having alone time drives me bonkers.  Part of it is other people's drama stresses me out.  The other thing is I need me time.  Me time is daydreaming, playing video games, petting the kitty, and if its nice out taking a walk in the park.

I've missed the nicest two days this…

Today I was walking through 'my fantasy garden' (actually its just the garden in front of the courthouse where I work)...  the flowers are blooming and green leaves have finally come in.  I noticed what I thought was a big, black dragon fly.   We get those around here sometimes, I always like seeing them.  Well, this time I was wrong.  It wasn't a dragon fly at all, but something I hadn't seen here before.  It was a tiny hummingbird enjoying the nectar from some flowers.  He was…

Its kind of weird, my Mom called yesterday about needing surgery and I nearly forgot.  I block it out because it worries me too much...  last night I turn to my two retreats: daydreaming and video games.  I was feeling ill, possibly the anxiety triggering another migraine, so after work I just went to bed.  Daydream for awhile, until the migraine makes me nauseous.   Then I drink some coffee (soothes my head), take a Vicodin and a anti-nausea pill.  I lay back in bed to play Final Fantasy…

On Tuesday, my counselor asked more about my MD.  She asked about how it started.  I told her about my parents fighting and the beginning of my Dad's affair sparking the start of me internalizing and creating a world in my head I could go away to.  How I just kept going deeper when Dad's mistress moved in and all the abuse got worse.  She already knows a lot about the abuse so we didn't elaborate on that.  Instead, since I felt comfortable enough I decided to tell her about two fantasies I…

... Or how Angel just can't blog one topic at a time.

So here it is Friday, and the residual pain from last weekend's migraine is still here.  Like a spike stuck in the front of the right lobe of my brain, not painful enough for painkillers just enough to be a bother.  Its alright I have an appointment on 5/11 with Dr. C, he will likely adjust my preventative medications again.  That is typical for migraine patients to have to…

Migraine is mostly gone, only a little residual pain.  I'm really tired though.

Noise is really bothering me today.  People in the hallway shouting or talking too loud, echoing, echoing...  to each other and on their phones too!  Its the courthouse and my office is in the main hallway so we get to hear it all.  Today I can't tolerate the idiocy out there.  That's the way I feel, I'm sorry.  This place was built poorly every sound echoes, so even if they aren't trying to be…

The migraine came on anyway, last night.  Thursday and Friday I took my abortive medication which only helped delay it happening.  I felt funny the whole time.  Now that I have the headache, most of the other funny symptoms are gone.  Thank you!  Pain I can deal with.  Pain meds and a little coffee today, by tomorrow I should be all better.  Since I'm no longer feeling strange my brain is mostly back to normal.  I can daydream freely, think freely, and function.  Its pretty good,…

I've been mostly on the outside of my own mind these last couple days.  It feels strange, almost alien to be immersed in the real world as much as I am right now.  It isn't the productive, positive, happy feeling from a few weekends ago either.  Its hazy and dreamlike.  I went to bed last night feeling sick and today a migraine is trying to come.  Maybe its the migraine?  Migraines always do funny things to my brain.  I get words mixed up, forget names/words, get dizzy, nauseous, and…