This week was hugely stressful, a big big part of the report I had to hand in for work was needed. I was persuaded I had screwed myself over forever and wouldn't make it but I did.

Also, things are starting to happen. I have lengthened my meditation to 15 minutes two times a day and I realise that I feel more in touch with things. For example, I have started to feel hungry again. Otherwise I'm either OMG-feed-me-i'm-fainting or not feeling anything. I'm also getting tired and…

So, last week was harder. I was not at my own place most of the time (I have a boyfriend) and when I'm at his  place it's hard to find a way to meditate. I tried to do it lying in bed in the morning but I just fell asleep again, so it wasn't very useful. I felt less productive than last week as well.

I also had quite severe backlash. When I don't daydream for a while, and suddenly I can, it just goes totally overboard. I was once again walking into traffic, not really noticing…

I hesitated to put treatment between brackets since it is basically just meditation and yoga and some other exercise. But, for me it's a form of treatment, so I'd rather keep calling it that way. 

Squeezing some time in for meditation has been hard. I try to do 10 minutes in the morning and 10 in the evening, that seems to work best. It's very hard not to drift off, and I tend to drift off (1) thinking about things I have to do that day, (2) daydreaming. When I'm doing (1), I…

I'll try to resume what has been said in the long phonecall I had concerning treatment for MDD. A lot of things were said but maybe not in that order, anyhow, here's a resume.

The root of the cause, at least in my personal case (and I think it's right) would be a heightened sensitivity, probably processing physical sensations and the outer world differently. Also, in my case I am someone with a high baseline, existential anxiety, I don't feel at ease with the world. When…

Yesterday I wasted another day completely in DDs and on facebook. So, I typed it all out in an email and I sent it to a friend who is a mental health care worker, because I just couldn't do it anymore. I don't know how I am going to get myself where I want to be if I'm constantly being hijacked by my own head. I was panicking at the fact I had done nothing at all that day, and that cranked my DDing up even more. So I told them.

Their reaction was really awesome. They told me…

I was trying to think about when I started daydreaming, and like everyone, I did it a lot as a kid. Up until I was around 12-13, I used to sit in class and daydream because I was bored out of my mind, or on the playground because I didn't have many friends. I usually Mary-Sued myself in an existing world, I can divide my life into which world I was preoccupied with and living part-time in. 

However, there were several times in my life when I didn't daydream. Between 14 and 18 years, I…