Where to start? 

With the closure of some very big thing at my job, last week was insanely hectic. I hardly daydreamt at all just because it was all hands on deck all the time. I was working until midnight or 1 am for a few days and finally managed the bloody thing. With that much stres, I didn't daydream. I tried, like when I was bored on the bus, but it didn't work. Instead, I actually really listened to the music. So I thought I had this shit down and I was doing great. Unfortunately, I also didn't make time for meditating, and the one day in the week that I did, I was all over the place. 

Cue this weekend, when the thing is finally done and over, and I am free again. I went to this cosplay party, had an insanely good time and the next day, with my partially hungover, sleep-deprived, stress-ridden self, all I could do was daydream. I daydreamt in the car, driving, when I was having lunch with my mother, I skipped my sports classes to stay home and daydream because it was so powerful. 

I even launched a new character, go figure. 

Anyhow, I don't know why, but now I am able to pull back my focus from my job and look around me, I just am so deeply dissatisfied. I'm not happy with my life, or with my relationships. Especially my relationship. We've been hitting a low spot on several levels, also physical, and surprise surprise, all my characters are getting a lot of action. So once again I think I just siphon my unhappiness away from my current life, dealing with it through DDs and if I didn't have that I probably wouldn't function. 

I'm completely confused about what I want and how to get it. I promised myself that this summer I will take a holiday alone, with no electronics and actually spend some time really pondering what it is I want to be doing instead of just going with the stream. But meanwhile, now, I just really do not want to do anything at all but DD.

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Comment by Ivy White on March 24, 2015 at 1:38pm

Thanks guys. It's been really hard to stop it. Lost a complete day at work writing stories and daydreaming. I need to meditate again, I don't know why my resistance to it is so high lately.

Comment by Eretaia on March 24, 2015 at 9:57am

Agreed. If you aren't relapsing, it means you aren't recovering. :) It doesn't undermine at all those small battles you've won so far. Sometimes it takes relapsing so many times until the thought of relapsing stops scaring you.

Comment by Roel on March 24, 2015 at 8:39am

Relapses are a part of the healing process, don't worry to much. Not everything is lost. Faillures dont block the way to succes, they lead you there. Be strong and pick yourself back up, you can do it! That holiday doesn't sound like a bad idea ;)

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