I brought up the daydreaming to my therapist yesterday. I described (very generally) what I was experiencing, and refused to give any details when asked. He seemed somewhat curious, but eventually the conversation went in other directions anyway. Our discussions as of late have more or less revolved around the same issues.

Thing is, I didn't have the balls to actually mention that most of my daydreams lately were about him...So I emailed him instead,afterward. I didn't go into any…

I've found that my brain has kind of flipped back to the angry thoughts a bit about people I know, but I've tried to keep myself distracted by other things as much as possible.

My daydreams (the positive, imaginative ones) are just insulation for me from my anxiety. When I push those away, I start to ruminate and stew and worry instead. I try not to, but I can't seem to help it.

Last night was pretty awesome- it's my birthday this week, so I hung out with some people at the bar…

After reading some comments on my first post, I realized maybe I was being a bit of a tightass about it. Today I daydreamed about him just a little...mostly I was contemplating/remembering the various things he and I have been talking about lately. 

But I also came home, spent time with BF and then spent like an hour or so playing Singstar, because I want to do karaoke tomorrow night, and it's easier if I warm myself up to it. (I love it but I get terrible stage fright) I think I…

While I haven't managed to completely avoid DD about him, I managed it for the most part. Mind you, it's caused me to ruminate more about things that make me angry, and it hasn't stopped me from from thinking about him entirely, just...less so.

I've just kept myself distracted, really.

I hope, I hope, I hope I can fill the gap with positive things. Or at least constructive things. Like being on this messageboard- the next time I see him, we're probably going to discuss…

I am going to ATTEMPT to NOT daydream about...him...for the next four days. It'll be hard. Really hard. Hopefully I won't resort to other forms of daydreaming just to distract myself. But I feel like I'm losing my mind. I need to think about SOMETHING ELSE for a change. 

If I can stick to an eating regimen long enough to lose 20lbs (and believe me, no one's more surprised than I am that I managed that), then I can put my brain on a diet, at least for a little while, right?…

I have such terrible self-esteem and have spent so much time in my life daydreaming myself as confident and talented, that there have been more than a few instances where I try to do something and it's not nearly as easy as I dreamed it to be (because of course, in reality, I don't know enough about it). That gives me an overall impression of myself as clumsy and untalented.

But am I? Or am I just impatient?

I have a ukulele and I love it, but I've never put enough time and…

Let me preface this by saying that I ADORE poetry- reading it, writing it, hearing it. It absorbs me more than most things and takes me out of myself, and yet is short enough for me to absorb in small chunks. Here is a poem that I always think describes what goes on in my head:

"Pursuit" by Stephen Dobyns

I'm a little unsure what to post here- what if someone I know reads it?? I'm so paranoid about Internet privacy...

I've been daydreaming for a long time. For as long as I can remember. I've never had imaginary friends, per se, I've always just dreamed up alternate versions of my own life.  Scenarios and events far more exciting than the ones that actually happen to me. 

In reality I'm quite shy and have low self-esteem. I have a lot of anxiety. I'm afraid of…