Between work, family, fiance, car issues, and camp meetings I am just about done.  I have not had any alone time since Friday and tonight won't be any different.  I look forward to tomorrow night.  Not having alone time drives me bonkers.  Part of it is other people's drama stresses me out.  The other thing is I need me time.  Me time is daydreaming, playing video games, petting the kitty, and if its nice out taking a walk in the park.

I've missed the nicest two days this…

Today I was walking through 'my fantasy garden' (actually its just the garden in front of the courthouse where I work)...  the flowers are blooming and green leaves have finally come in.  I noticed what I thought was a big, black dragon fly.   We get those around here sometimes, I always like seeing them.  Well, this time I was wrong.  It wasn't a dragon fly at all, but something I hadn't seen here before.  It was a tiny hummingbird enjoying the nectar from some flowers.  He was…

Its kind of weird, my Mom called yesterday about needing surgery and I nearly forgot.  I block it out because it worries me too much...  last night I turn to my two retreats: daydreaming and video games.  I was feeling ill, possibly the anxiety triggering another migraine, so after work I just went to bed.  Daydream for awhile, until the migraine makes me nauseous.   Then I drink some coffee (soothes my head), take a Vicodin and a anti-nausea pill.  I lay back in bed to play Final Fantasy…

On Tuesday, my counselor asked more about my MD.  She asked about how it started.  I told her about my parents fighting and the beginning of my Dad's affair sparking the start of me internalizing and creating a world in my head I could go away to.  How I just kept going deeper when Dad's mistress moved in and all the abuse got worse.  She already knows a lot about the abuse so we didn't elaborate on that.  Instead, since I felt comfortable enough I decided to tell her about two fantasies I…