I'm trapped and miserable.

[Audrey]

I've been unemployed for 4 1/2 years due to bipolar disorder and severe anxiety. I live with my parents and spend the majority of my day MDD. I rarely leave my room, I rarely leave the house. I'm trapped by it. Addicted to it. I MDD so much that I have no social life whatsoever, no hobbies. I watch T.V. sometimes but only to give my mind a rest because let me tell you I have been daydreaming so much my mind is getting really flustered. I'm also starting to get frustrated because since I daydream so much I am running out of ideas for good daydreams (plots, character ideas, scenarios, etc.) and I am getting bored. All of this is making me sooo anxious. I don't know what to do. I read about some of you in your blogs being able to lead normal lives, hold down jobs. I wish so badly that I could do that. But MDD controls my entire life. It consumes me. It is a severe addiction for me. Something I should stop but that I don't know if I can or ever will be able to. I also in a weird way love it. I love getting in the midst of a good fantasy and escaping my miserable life. But deep down I know I am never going to get better if I don't stop.

[The1andonlyAbber]

Find things to do (which is unfortunately probably going to be very hard at this point because you've spent so much of your time daydreaming) and multitask. Do anything you can to keep yourself stimulated.

Good luck :-D

[S K]

Best of Luck!

[S K]

Pretty much in the the same boat as you- unemployed,rarely leave the room,rarely leave the house, live with parents, the only difference is I have panic attacks in addition to anxiety. I have started running out of ideas and characters too so I decided on a small regimen. So I've started doing the following:

1. Walk for 15 mins a day- even if you dd it helps to improve mood and mind.
2. Apply for jobs online-helps me deal with my social anxiety. I can pace myself out in terms of communication.
3. Chat or talk to someone online or through texting. It helps to keep basic social skills intact (as i found out the hard way).

[Queen Dopamine]

It's truly like being addicted to a drug. Without it, you feel anxious or depressed. You can't do anything else. I'm one of those who are more functional, but when I've been unemployed, or when I lived with my parents, it was insanely hard to stop. In fact, I don't know how I did. It sounds like your MD is incapacitating though. Are you able to go to therapy? I know that's a simplistic answer, but I think we all toy with the idea, but there are so many reasons not to go (finances, time, trying to find the right one, etc).

[Faye]

I agree with Cordelia.

Like a lot of people here, I know what it's like to be stuck, trapped, lost and to feel like you are not progressing in your life.   I know how difficult it can get, and at times I too feel very desperate. But always remember that there is hope and possibility. You have to remind yourself everyday, every moment if you have to that you have it in you to improve your life.

I've suffered some severe setbacks last year. But at the same time I've gained a lot of personal growth. MD can be managed, although the methods/strategy seem to be slightly different for everyone. Its going to be really difficult in the beginning but if you keep trying you will seem changes and you will see progress. Just one baby step at a time... and before you know it- You will have conquered a mountain.

I know there are many things that we can't control and its hard to stay positive, but you have to keep trying. And know that you are most definitely not alone.

Be brave and be persistent. Things will improve. 

[Joey B]

=(  I feel you.  I was unemployed from the time I graduated HS, failed college attempts and up until Sept of 2012-- SIX YEARS.  Then I worked for 7 months and the job and I fell apart drastically.  Now I'm unemployed more months and indeed it takes it's toll on you yet again.  I have found once my DD began to lose luster it decreased them as a 'dream' (e.g. no more fancy fake life and amazing friends) but instead I channeled my dreams to match my lifestyle more and instead of upping the crazy of my daydream to feel better, mellowing it out and simply enjoying the 'fake company' of my daydream friends was helpful but also tiring because I am quite lonely and would like to have friends.  

But, what can you do.  Anyway I've never been able to hold down a job either and at my only (and last) job I would get alone time and DD on the job, mindlessly (and cautiously!) talking to myself like crazy.  I always wonder if anyone saw me, but whatever-- the job is gone now.  

I feel the same way.  I've had depression for a very long time, binge drinking, terrible anxiety but a knack for typing and things related to my DD-- listening to music / movies / ETC!  I find the biggest fuel is the music thing and simply avoiding it helps but then not working and having no friends, I have nothing to do with my time that feels worthwhile so I always end up back into daydreaming.  I most often rely on it when I feel the worst and I explain my situation time and time again to these empathetic yet supportive 'fake friends' and it helps so much.  I'll never know if I'll get better, either, but the more you understand why you do the things you do and project things the way you do helps and sometimes changing the way you DD can help.  (How I mentioned instead of going lavish and crazy, tone it down and just enjoy more company / supportive things.)  

Anyway, I wish you luck.  I used to have insanity in my DD and now it's quite boring BUT in a way that's good. I'm no longer (literally) wishing on a life I know I can't fulfill and I'm starting to at least gain ground that reality is possible, but it's going to take more time and possibly therapy just for this to really pin point what I can do for a living that will actually feel satisfying and keep me from... daydreaming the boredom away! Lol

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

It's ok.  Mine was that bad for many years.  Judging myself and getting mad at myself only made it worse.  You have to accept that your brain works differently, and then figure out how to control it.  Have you tried any of the tips listed on the main page that people have suggested?  It can get better.  You just have to figure out what works for you.