Everything around me is keeping me where I am. That means my job, my acquaintances, my thinking. I have been brought to many realizations, and I don't know if that has made my MD lessen because I can't hide in my alternate reality or because I don't have the same use for my alternate reality. Aspects of my job have genuinely sucked for a couple of years now. Since a good portion of my MD is replaying things that have actually happened, I have spent a great deal of time 'fixing' scenarios in my… Continue

Today wasn't a bad day. I smiled, laughed, and engaged a lot. I yelled some, but it was a fierce engagement with someone I yell with/at a lot. It's what we do. I started a Bible study for women with different addictions tonight. I'm not super religious. At all. But it is another chance to positively engage with people. My main problem with religion is people using it as a crutch to be dumb. For the first hour, the preacher we watched connected astronomy and religion. His first statement was 'I… Continue

So that Sunday thing prompted me to have an adjustment made to my new prescription for wellbutrin. I may change brands. I have never felt like I did Sunday. Literally never. The first thing to pop into my head after those thoughts popped into my head was, 'I gotta quit taking this shit.' They still haven't gotten back to me about the adjustment so I'll call them again today.

I cannot be alone with myself for too long. That's why I work so much. I usually leave work around 11 after being there all day so I'm extremely tired, too tired to sit around in my head. Well I left work at 6 pm Sunday night. So that gave me 7 hrs alone with me. I think I was ok for about an hr, then I went on major binge. I watched things I shouldn't watch for about 4 hrs. Also hadn't done that since before New Year's. Afterwards, and during, I went very deep inside of my head. A bad place to… Continue

I am on my couch, just got sushi (freaking amazing), accompanied by Jack Daniels, YouTube, and my thoughts. The more I drink the more vivid my daydreams. The more vivid my daydreams, the more I want to drink because it's fun. Even if I'm out at a bar, I recede into my fantasy world. I am getting what I want and need, right? Companionship and camaraderie. So why would I rather be alone in my world than engaging with others?



I think it's because I can engage more fully at home. I can… Continue

No two snowflakes are alike. No two people that engage in MD are alike. There are people that can drink in moderation and lead happy, healthy lives. I can't. There are people that can take ecstasy or do coke every now and then that can know their limit, can easily abstain when necessary and lead full lives. I can't. I am genuinely happy for the people that MD and are able to lead fulfilling lives. Don't think I can.

I am slipping into an eating binge. I have abstained from all of my… Continue

Listening to music, not listening to music, driving, watching movies... Right then, I trailed off into a scenario of me replaying an evening at the bar with a couple of friends.. I can't get through a sentence. I don't know what to do (btw, I am relatively happy during the day. I do daydream some but I'm usually so busy at work I can't. It's nighttime when I fall into my holes of sadness and dreaming of who I wish was around or me living some awesome existence instead of on this couch)

When does internal dialogue become daydreaming and when does daydreaming become maladaptive daydreaming?

Hello all. I'm Sandra. I'm 28, single, and I have a young daughter. Over my life I have battled different addictions, when I think I have pinpointed my problem, out seems like it is just an overlying issue of something else. I keep peeling back layers. I recently deserted seeing a counselor for depression/ sex addiction. I don't lose my virginity until I was 21, I made up for a lot of lost time the first couple of years but 'normal people' duo way more than I did. The biggest part of my sex… Continue