Well, I stop coming in WMN because I am addicted to the internet but it does not help. I use as much time on the net anyway. So better be there where I can speak about what is realy the problem than using hours to read about realy stupid things.

I am not DD so much now. My DD are on "replay mode", that mean I got back to situations I have immagine monts or year ago.

I am stil going to my concelor but we most of the time do not speak about DD. We speak about me dealing with real…

I have to stop comming to this site. My Internet addiction is getting worse than MD. This side is one of those I have to close for a wile.

I fear to love and get hurt, I fear to trust and be betrayed.

I fear not to love and have no-one who care for me

I fear to be alone and I fear to meet people.

I fear to live and I fear not to be alive.

I fear pain and I fear happiness.

For happiness is having something you can lose,

Love is having someone who can let you down.

In the stronghold of my fantasy I have nothing to fear.  

I know who I can trust and will never let me…

I am in a prison a cold dark prison.

I cannot see or hear what happen outside,

I wish I could, I wish I were out.

I wish somebody will open that door, somebody will come for me.

I wait in the dark and I wish.

But I know nobody comes, nobody will

Nobody can open that door because I have the key.

I make me happy when I think about it, it make me feel free.

So I’m not so afraid of the dark,

When I sit in that prison and wait.

It seems a crazy thing to say. But still, if you look at it on another way it is the only intelligent thing to think. Don’t misunderstand me I don’t think I am Jesus or James Bond and I will save the word. I just know I can make a difference.

I decided for some years ago that if I can’t change the world I can change myself. But if I manage to change myself, I will have changed the word. And I did, I mean, I’m still MDD, I have many issues but it’s a lifelong project, but I keep…

Having working for years with my DD and other psychological issues I come to the following conclusion about my DD: They are the place I hide the part of my personality I cannot use in real life.

I once learn that the strategy think what you want, say and do what other want from you was the best way to live in peace. It certainly was a clever choice once, when I was a child. But I just never learned to be myself, to say what I mean to know what I wanted.

I needed a life crisis…

It seem the most stupid idea I had for a while. But just now I feel trying anything for a change. I just feel so tired all the time.

So my eyes are dry. Its quite common problem for people working on computer. But the eye drops I used are not working anymore. I'm trying gel. But I just begynn to ask myself what is the psychological meaning of dry eyes. I am going to a therapist who is very focus on body, learn me to breath or to sit relax.

So what is the psycological meaning of…

I was with my therapist today. I tell her about something that happened to me on Monday. The situation could have become dangerous and I was not afraid, not even concerned. I just thought if was funny until I saw her reaction. Then I keep thinking about it. Not what happened on Monday but the fact I have no feeling for what happen in the real word.  It is almost like if somebody tells me “you have cancer you are going to dye” or “you just win one million” I could just answer “ho, it sounds…

I have tried to deal with my daydreams for years. And it really helps to come to this site. And it helps speaking with a good therapist. In fact I began to google "daydreaming" because she was on vacation an I feel so lonely whith those issues. 

However I believe we cannot come out of this problem unless we recognize we have a addiction. And we are desperate  to do something with it. If drug addicts can deal with their problem why can't we? But we can't unless we really want it. The…