Stop lying to yourself

[Pascale]

I have tried to deal with my daydreams for years. And it really helps to come to this site. And it helps speaking with a good therapist. In fact I began to google "daydreaming" because she was on vacation an I feel so lonely whith those issues. 

However I believe we cannot come out of this problem unless we recognize we have a addiction. And we are desperate  to do something with it. If drug addicts can deal with their problem why can't we? But we can't unless we really want it. The twist is if you tell to yourself "don't daydream" you just think about your daydream and cannot come out of it. The clue is to begin to love reality, even if it is boring, if the real word hurt me and my friends and family are not being supportive. At least reality is real, daydreams are lies. 

Here are some of the truth about my daydreams. I need to write them down because I know I do not really believe the truth, even it is it obviously right.  

1. I am alone when I daydream. So what are my DD-friends? I ask them once. They took away their masks, and everyone of them was me. No wonder they understand me so god, they are so interested in me. Its just me. Real friends are better even if they will always have their own agenda, their own point of view. 

2. Daydreaming  does not help me to leave my life. Well they are powerful painkillers when life is too tough. And they definitively help me pretend everything  is OK. But pretending its OK is just the contrary of making the changes I need to make with my life.

3. Daydreaming make me weaker, not stronger. In my DD everything is possible. Even going back and changing the past events. When reality resists I am just not prepare.

4. Nobody will come and wake me up and tell me that the world is waiting for me. I am the one who knows who I am and what I can do. If I fail to live my life because I am too busy to dream it, nobody will know I could have done better. 

But I am not sure I am prepare for reality. Are you?

 

[Pascale]

By the way TJ I was almost 40 when I learn I had to make the first step if I want some friend. And I steel need to force me to take contact. its hard work.

 

[Pascale]

One day a friend said to me: why are you telling me I cant understand you. I just realized I was not giving her the chance to understand me. 

If people are not interest in what you are interest in, just try to be interested in what they are interest in. If you are a geek, tell people you are a geek, and you will find they are happy to have you when their computer crash.

If you are a daydreamer, tell people you are a daydreamer. Most people are not able to DD. So its a gift.

I try this now. From today: I am a daydreamer, I will allays be. But I chose reality so I'm not MD.

6 years ago I divorce. My family was 2000 km away in another country. My mother died. Then I lose my job. I had no friends and my child chose to live with their father. I get depression and my DD helped me. They save me as they keep me hoping things will get better. I was MD because I had nothing else.

Then I worked with myself. Its hard work and I have a lot of people to thank. You see, you are just effraid to take away the "I-am-OK" mask. People help when they understand you need help. In fact 9 of 10 persons will help a complete stranger if it doesnt cost them too much. In fact it is easier to give help than to ask for help. 

You just make it difficult if you want a friend to phone you every other day and know everything about you. I just tell people I need to meet somebody. Have a drink, dinner, or go to a movie, that kind of thing. Then I find out at several people like me. They just do not tell, do not take contact, but they are happy when I do. 

Thats how my friends are. I guess thats how most friends are. They have not allay time for me. They do not understand me all the time. But its like it is. Welcome to reality. 

[McNamara]

This is a great post, Pascale - I especially like that part about daydreaming and the power to change events in the past - so when reality gives resistance, we are not prepared.  The people in my DD are powerful reminders of the qualities and strengths I want for myself and around me - so why not look for this in the real world.  As you say though, DD is a powerful comforter against troubled times, and it's hard to break.  Right now, I'm not too bad - and I believe this is because I am filling up my day with REAL people, REAL experiences and REAL goals.  It's really hard to sustain sometimes though x

[Marcelo]

I agree with you,  We have to think that we are addicted to DD,  It is like a drug,

- It give us presure,

- It keep us far from the "problems",

- When we have a little bit of control of our DD, We think to ourselves just a little bit is not bad

          ( As drug addicted says to thenselves and loose the control again ).

- It reduce our social circle and our life experience.

 

I DD a lot of cool things in my life, i even got very good ideas that i could develop in the real life, but the DD

never gave me time to perform all my dreams.

It never gave me time to study and develop my skills, to meet people, etc.

 

[Pascale]

Reading this again I think it is very negative. Knowing is does not helps. It helps to do something about it. so I will add:

5. DD makes you forget you have to be  underway. in DD if you want to go from A to B you don't need to be anywhere in between. In reality you have to take one step at the time. Results are not coming easily. 

[lizbourbon]

I especially like your first point, I often lose track of that one. And no, I am not really prepared for reality.

[Skylar Grey]

thankyou very much for pointing all this out. Its made me realize a few things i havent thought of before