I was with my therapist today. I tell her about something that happened to me on Monday. The situation could have become dangerous and I was not afraid, not even concerned. I just thought if was funny until I saw her reaction. Then I keep thinking about it. Not what happened on Monday but the fact I have no feeling for what happen in the real word.  It is almost like if somebody tells me “you have cancer you are going to dye” or “you just win one million” I could just answer “ho, it sounds interesting”.

The fact is I have been living with this condition for years now.  And I am really longing for real feeling. So I read on Wikipedia about apathy but I didn’t feel very clever after that.  The fact is I can really feel fear, happiness, sorrow or joy, but only in DD.

Then I thought about something I have read some place. About young men going to doctor because they have problem with erection. They have no physical problem but love to use porno and to masturbate. And the treatment is stop with it and you will have no more problems with your girlfriend. It uses to take 4-6 weeks.

Not that I am a man using porno (I am a woman) but it is about getting used to the wrong trigger.  When real life was very tough I used to choose DD. But now is my life quite OK.  So I can think it is not about choosing not to DD but choosing real feeling. It may be easier. I Have to give it a try.

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Comment by Wish Upon A Wish on November 28, 2011 at 9:41pm

I don't think I've blocked my emotions quite as much as you, but I do find it harder to feel anything unless I both have something to make me feel AND try to encourage it. Especially happiness. I find I feel non-happiness (depression, anger etc) easier in and out of dds and If I want to start dding, the first thing I do is make me feel sad (normally only if I'm in bed, though) and I do sometimes make me feel happy in my dds, but I feel like it could easily become over-used and boring, so I think that's why I don't do it much. I don't feel much in the way of happiness to easily in real life either. Maybe that's why I thought I had minor depression at first, and that maybe dding was a symptom

Comment by J Noland on November 23, 2011 at 2:24pm

I have the same problem with feeling real emotions. I definitely feel more emotions in my dds. I am assuming that I don't have the mental strength to allow myself to feel real world emotions because I can't control them like I can in dds. I do feel bad when people are sick, I can barely watch the news becasue of all the horrible stories but I feel a distance emotionally from all of it. I have looked into autism related conditions because they hinder apathy and emotions about other people but I know it's really the md acting like a wedge. In fact if I md about something going on in real life then I have intense emotions about it...until I switch to a different dd.

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