I want to cry.

[Pascale]

It seem the most stupid idea I had for a while. But just now I feel trying anything for a change. I just feel so tired all the time.

So my eyes are dry. Its quite common problem for people working on computer. But the eye drops I used are not working anymore. I'm trying gel. But I just begynn to ask myself what is the psychological meaning of dry eyes. I am going to a therapist who is very focus on body, learn me to breath or to sit relax.

So what is the psycological meaning of dry eyes. Or when did I cry realy.

Some years ago in a period of few month I loose my job. My husband left me and my kid choose to go with him. My mother died and then I loose my job a second time. Then I start a new DD that was a kind of fantasy novel. The hero saw his girlfriend being rape and kill and he did not cry. He fight. He get very good at fighting so he could make his word better. But he was not feeling good. So I gave him another girlfriend. She could realy understand him when he speaks about the other girl and then he began to cry.

But the real question is did I cry. I just can't remenber realy. I have learn not to feel anything in a way. So I begin to ask myself if it could be some help to cry realy. Not to DD I do or to DD my caracteres do. There is a lot about laughing is good for your health, what about crying. It can be such a relieve when you do. But I don't know how to cry. I can make my DD caractere cry but I don't cry myself.

[taffle]

I really do feel like crying over what happened recently, but I'm tired of crying over the same things again. It's like my subconscious is telling me that it's had enough. It's funny that my DD characters can cry all they want, but I can't do the same.

[Eretaia]

The first thing my psychiatrist said to me after listening my to story was: you really need to start crying.

Indeed MD is all about blocking and freezing emotions. Daydreams are nothing else but riddles about what we fear experiencing. Eventually, your repressed emotions find their way out in daydreams through other characters because you're unconsciously that scared to allow yourself to experience them. It's as if we dissociated those negative emotions and parts of ourselves and made them other people simply in order to distance them from ourselves.

You can't cry because your mind is overprotective of you. It has had enough. You have had enough. So, your unconscious just blocked your emotions, it froze them and shunned them - but sooner or later, they will reappear in your daydreams, in those dissociated parts of you, but your conscious self will still be intact. So now, your task really is to make yourself cry and to take all defense mechanisms down and reclaim dissociated parts of yourself. I didn't know how to cry either for a long time. I still find it hard at times because my defense mechanisms are rooted quite deep. When my mother died, it took me good six months just to develop occasional feelings of sadness and loss.

So, yeah, in other words, you really need to explode. My psychotherapist said I needed a psychoanalytic therapy merely for unfreezing my emotions and experiencing pain and then MD will resolve itself. And I think she was really right.