Jessica Ballantyne's Blog (11)

Outside my head

This is going to sound annoying. Living in a town for 29 years, all I ever heard by others is that I'm so quiet. They literally couldn't get a word out of me. I was too busy daydreaming in my head to realize how I looked on the outside. I actually never knew it made me look stupid. Non-family can be vigorous that way. I always used MD as a way to escape my frustrations, but it did me more harm that good, so I had to quit. It was the best decision I made. 



What…

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Added by Jessica Ballantyne on June 4, 2021 at 1:26pm — 828 Comments

Friends are not from Dreams

I spent my whole life looking forward to friends and relationships, and this actually could've happened, if I wasn't living on another planet. When I was a kid, I used to ponder around my room and other parts of the house, imagining situations of how I could meet young people in my area. I'd stand in our shady family office, looking at drawings and poetry, wishing that friends would suddenly pop out of nowhere and say hi. All I had to do was talk to my classmates, get their phone…

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Added by Jessica Ballantyne on May 18, 2021 at 4:47pm — 10 Comments

In a Maze

When I was doing MD, I thought it was awesome. It lulled me into complacency and I'd spend hours staring away into a fuge, with glowing hopes things will eventually go my way. Unfortunately, it dug me into a deeper hole. Nobody knew my satisfaction as I have, but they didn't understand why my eyes had a distant stare, why I moved funny, didn't talk much and why I almost wasn't ever listening. It clearly proved to them that I was in another world. To myself, I believed I can do…

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Added by Jessica Ballantyne on April 19, 2021 at 4:40pm — 4 Comments

Putting myself in one's shoes

I tend to be inspired by people from movies and TV series, and often wish I had their lives and personas. I know  for sure that I'm not those characters. I don't have their skill sets, minds, looks and their coolness. I work remotely at home, and it can be very boring, so sometimes I imagine myself as a doctor or computer programmer in a science fiction action film. 



Sometimes when I get out there and do what I like, it's still a challenge, because I'm an extremely quiet…

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Added by Jessica Ballantyne on April 12, 2021 at 7:09pm — 2 Comments

Why I stopped

I used to think MD was cool. Kind of like when someone smokes. I was a young kid, and didn't know what harm MD can actually do. I did believe that MD was assuring me that life will get better and adventurous, at that. So I looked forward to experiencing an amazing life. What I didn't realize is that MD was lying to me the whole time. It didn't promise anything of the sort. It was just a sequence of entertaining stories in my head that kept me going. I have noticed while I was doing…

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Added by Jessica Ballantyne on March 28, 2021 at 1:57pm — 4 Comments

I preferred my dreams



Ever since I was so young, I preferred my fantasies over real individuals and events. I took the way life looked for granted. I hoped to someday meet my ideal boyfriend. Thing is, the kind of friends I sought could never be ideal or perfect. For the past twenty years, I'd stare at a wall or the floor and imaging an ideal life and relationship. Then important matters would pop up, and I'd snap my face awake and realize I'm making it all up. If I took action and made things happen. Not…

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Added by Jessica Ballantyne on March 8, 2021 at 1:32pm — No Comments

How far addiction takes you

I jumped into MD, without analyzing what was actually wrong with me first. It started in the late 90's when I was only 12. I was so young and inexperienced, I wasn't aware of what harm it can do. I'm now informed that I may have Asperger syndrome, but back then I hadn't a clue. I had trouble reading emotions and understanding people's body language; what they meant in their attitudes. I always believed every cloud has a silver lining. I didn't take their hints and comments personally…

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Added by Jessica Ballantyne on February 27, 2021 at 9:00am — No Comments

Staring into space

Has anybody had trouble with staring into space for a number of years, because they were locked in a story or they were longing for something? Has it changed your health? I did this for as long as I can remember, and it's effected my brain age. 

Added by Jessica Ballantyne on February 10, 2021 at 4:09pm — 2 Comments

If it hadn't started

I have regrets. If I hadn't been daydreaming the way I did—my life would've looked so much better today. I wouldn't still be dependent at 34. And I'd be happy with what I'm doing. I probably could've had a few partners and traveled places. The problem was I wasn't here, and what I did was maladaptive. I even remember when some of my jobs literally got effected by my daydreaming. I've had employers and staff find out, and then I was out. 



Trouble is instead of…

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Added by Jessica Ballantyne on February 8, 2021 at 8:23am — 1 Comment

Traveling

I wanted to travel since I was 18. The summer I graduated from high school and got ready for college, I thought about studying art and freely just visiting places everywhere. Not realizing that it's a very expensive hassle to fly to other countries, let alone, you need to really plan your routes wisely. Well, when I was in college, I decided to take a road trip to New York. At this time, I was quite a daydreamer too. This would take place during reading week in February. I argued with my…

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Added by Jessica Ballantyne on February 5, 2021 at 3:35pm — 1 Comment

My Past

I quit doing maladaptive daydreaming, because it gets scary as I get older. I moved into a small village town, starting at 6, looking forward to making friends. Instead, I made many bullies. I was surrounded by crowds of people who didn't understand I had this special gift, and thought I was crazy. Also dumb, because I hardly ever expressed myself verbally. I rarely had a social life, and people began to talk, but especially about how my eyes swivelled around the…

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Added by Jessica Ballantyne on February 1, 2021 at 9:18am — 4 Comments

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