Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
I tend to be inspired by people from movies and TV series, and often wish I had their lives and personas. I know for sure that I'm not those characters. I don't have their skill sets, minds, looks and their coolness. I work remotely at home, and it can be very boring, so sometimes I imagine myself as a doctor or computer programmer in a science fiction action film.
Sometimes when I get out there and do what I like, it's still a challenge, because I'm an extremely quiet person, far from perfect too, and nobody likes it. They often tell me this again and again, and I can't count how many have. It just proves how socially awkward and out of place I'm realistically am. So I just go back to my MD and imagine that I'm my favourite character.
We want better looking lives, but sometimes it's just not affordable or maybe we live in the worst era in human history that blocks those opportunities, such as this pandemic. We're all frustrated, and no surprise, we might see ourselves lapse into MD.
When I was a young adult, I was discouraged to learn and work abroad, so I chose a college in a city that was a 40 minute commute from my house. Whereas my best friend who was worldly, out there and linguistic went to a far away university and worked as a teacher all over Asia. Again, I wish that I was her, when really, I'm me. And I need to work on myself to be that better person, so that I can make sure the life I live is extraordinary. So I use my fictional fantasy friends to keep me alive and believe in myself.
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Basically I work in a room with four square walls and window, and stare at a computer screen for hours. I can go out for walks in the spring evening, and I'm off weekends, so I go for bike rides. Canada is famous for introverted, computer engaged civilians, and everybody dates online. I do wish things went back to normal, so I can make new friends. It's disgusting right now, cause of the virus. So I use my imagination to create a life I prefer to see, outside of the real one granted to me.
My life itself isn't much intresting, and to be honest i don't think it ever will be. But still i want to fight this MD and become normal, if that means boring then let it be boring. Atleast it would be real. I see around me, friends with whom i went highschool with or college with are having much intresting lifestyle than mine, but still i don't care how boring my life would be, i want it back. With MD, its like there are 2 versions of me- during md version and the other. And i know i truly am the 'other' one. With MD my one part is as entertained as it gets, and 'other' part is becoming more of a Zombie type.
And nothing is ordinary i think, everything ordinary is extraordinary in its own unique way.
Good luck dear!
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