Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
I spent my whole life looking forward to friends and relationships, and this actually could've happened, if I wasn't living on another planet. When I was a kid, I used to ponder around my room and other parts of the house, imagining situations of how I could meet young people in my area. I'd stand in our shady family office, looking at drawings and poetry, wishing that friends would suddenly pop out of nowhere and say hi. All I had to do was talk to my classmates, get their phone numbers and call them up to hang out on weekends. But I didn't even try. I had no social skills and was actually afraid of others. In face, I didn't have good verbal skills and was always very quiet. So many of my school peers thought I was dumb...and unfriendly, and laughed at me cruelly. Even in my teens, I was so shy to hang out. I just went straight home and absorbed myself into a land of daydreams. My classmates found me so weird, and often asked why I'd go straight home for lunch, instead of being with my friends. They eventually noticed me doing MD many times in the day and found my behaviour bizarre. Then when I was an adult, after my college years were done, life got very very quiet and solitary. Being a freelancer, I worked at home a lot. Soon nobody my age was around and people were harder to reach out. I spent more years daydreaming about being in relationships with people...who didn't exist. I learned in my thirties that I have Asperger syndrome and have issues with social interaction and connecting with others...(it sounds horrible). So people are shocked to see me just sit there all by myself...rarely saying a word. I often create fictional worlds where I am a super outgoing and interactive person who has no problems with social contacts and touching people. Sometimes, I fear that my whole life will be this way. Lately, I stopped living in alternative worlds and know how to be here. Reaching out to others is a big problem during this pandemic.