For the past year my mental energy has been spent. Nothing exciting ever happens anymore, and the rare time anything does happen it's like I can't fully experience it.

I've been living back at "home" at my mom's house. I've been unable to daydream partly due to lack of privacy and partly due to aforementioned lack of inspiration, emotion and energy. The two factors seem to go hand in hand.

I don't know anyone to have interesting conversations with on a regular basis. The…

After reading a few recent blog posts, and reflecting on my own experiences, I'm convinced that MD, for at least some people, and at least in part, is due to extreme reservation around expressing your true self to others, or extreme self consciousness.

While most people have never had a problem pursuing the things and people they love, and overall expressing their deepest desires, fears, etc. from a young age, some of us for whatever reason have either never learned to do this, or…

Both were written around Christmas. I really should get down to writing moar.

"Night Air"--December 24th, 2012

Night swirling colours in the fireplace,

violet, navy, warm ember bright

the bustle, the warmth of the flames

an owl outside, the stars above he sees

in the silver light, beyond the trees

beyond the cliff, below the sparkling valley

streetlights dash on for ages

"Mundane"

I am mundane.

No…

Does anyone else feel that the ability to pace, jump, dance or make big movements while dreaming has a massively positive effect on mood, enthusiasm and energy levels?

Last year, while living in a basement room away from people with no windows, I was able to "use" my DD's in a way which was actually beneficial. I'd DD and pace/dance before class and other events to put me in a happier more energetic mood. My internal conversations also made me come up with smart/funny/interesting…

Feelings that the lives of everyone around you are progressing/have progressed much faster than yours? While you have been wasting away in you're MD world...

Surprise at how far people your age or younger have come with their life experiences compared to you, in the same amount of time or less?

I feel like this a lot... :C

Things like...

Waking up and realizing I'm the only person at school without a smart phone, when a couple years mine was one of the most common…

As I mentioned in my last blog post, I have recently made myself (mostly) get over the guy I had a crush on since Fall 2011. Ever since, I have definitely daydreamed less (now it's mostly just when I listen to music or am falling asleep).

Without daydreaming so much and having these intense feelings of attachment, I find myself feeling somewhat empty and constantly worrying about my real-life problems. I guess this is what I've been hiding from with my daydreams/obsessions. 

I…

An unbreakup happens when one makes a final, hopefully lasting, decision to get over someone they never dated, once and for all. I un-broke up with my crush around six weeks ago and have definitely improved since.

If I were to reduce my feelings for my crush into percentage points, my feelings were at 100% about a year ago, last winter. They fluctuated around 70-90% in the spring, summer and fall and definitely remained an obsession. 

Now, I'd say my feelings for my crush are…

I've had romantic daydreams about idealized crushes for years. When I'm in an intense romantic DD, it can feel incredibly real. When I'm lounging around or lying in bed I'll imagine cuddling with an imaginary lover, gazing into each others' eyes, kissing or whispering sweet nothings and it's like I can really feel him there. It's like I can almost physically sense his love for me and mine for him. And those types of DDs leave me wondering, is that what love is supposed to feel like in real…

For some unexplicable reason, I've always had a fear of asking people to "hang out" with me. You know when there's someone you find fun or interesting, and would like to get to know more and in my case maybe even DD about them, but you aren't at the point in a relationship where you're actually considered "friends"?

Yeah, I assume this is when the majority of people will pop a "we should hang out sometime!" or "what are you doing tonight?" out of habit, without really thinking much of…

So simple the expectation

I realize as it is annulled

The dream came true, I tell myself

And focus on believing it.

After years of longing, even craving for the acceptance

The truth it now becomes

Not quite the taste I wanted

But it’s something, a relief.

If the notes are audible, that is.

Otherwise I’ll meander along the same winding road, with the lake now in sight, as I had always known it would come…

IT's been awhile since I've posted anything on here, partly because I never think of it, and partly because I have trouble finding the motivation to articulate what I'm thinking in a coherent way.

Probably, if I had a good group of close and reliable friends to spend time with in REAL life, even 1 or 3, you probably wouldn't see me on chat even once a month. 

I sort of feel my university life has been a waste. It happened so fast. There I was in high school, unhappy with the…

Old, heavy and sense-deprived

Time slips by as sand between the fingers

Then it slows to a drone

The part I am acting

I know not of another part to act.

Held closed by fear

For years the old stones and pearls

In the withering box.

When a wind of obsession comes flying through the box

I can’t help but catch it.

And keep it for years in this old box.

A self-sabotage is what it is.

Haha, just a couple things I wrote when I was feeling down. They're pretty short and not that great.

#1:

No matter where

When I wake up I reach out for you

And you disappear

Into the oblivion

Why do you do this to me?

It’s been going on since I was a child

I’ve been waiting, pondering, wanting for you to stay through the day. By my side through the seasons and the years.

#2:

The dark. The sweat and the night. The presence…

Like many others who have posted their stories, I cannot recall the point in time when my chronic daydreams began. 

I have memories from my early childhood, or perhaps even toddlerhood, where I'd forcefully and excitedly 'run around' on all fours (hands and feet OR hands and knees), which I assume was the kinesthetic movement I employed at that age. My knees were often scraped and rough from the crawling movements. My parents would ask me why I was doing this, and I would…