The Unbreakup

[Dusty]

An unbreakup happens when one makes a final, hopefully lasting, decision to get over someone they never dated, once and for all. I un-broke up with my crush around six weeks ago and have definitely improved since.

If I were to reduce my feelings for my crush into percentage points, my feelings were at 100% about a year ago, last winter. They fluctuated around 70-90% in the spring, summer and fall and definitely remained an obsession. 

Now, I'd say my feelings for my crush are around 35%. I still think about him but noticeably less frequently. When I'm busy doing something else, or even thinking about something else, I'll occasionally get a thought such as "wow, I sure haven't been thinking about 'them' very much" and feel like I've achieved something. I find the best thing to do is to find more real life interests and other people to talk to that distract from the salience of the obsession and make him less important. That said my feelings will probably not get to 0% until I develop feelings for someone else, and even then the feelings sometimes stay at around 10%. 

I also feel that when I do think of him, it is with a lot less emotion than previously. 

When I was going through the unbreakup (i.e. making the decision to stop being obsessed with my crush) I wrote an unbreakup plan which detailed the unhealthy thoughts, feelings and behaviours which came from the obsession, such as:

-anxiously checking to see if he's been online (and analyzing certain patterns);

-getting irritated when other people show an interest in me;

-disliking class and other situations because they have nothing to do with my crush;

-feeling comforted by thoughts of my crush when I'm in situations such as the above;

etc.

Instead: whenever I find myself thinking about my crush, I will become aware of it, that it is bad, and distract myself with something else!

As of the time I am writing this, I have mostly stopped the above behaviours. I have noticed when I start to think about him, realize the thoughts are pointless and obsessive and unhealthy, and now I find it easy and automatic to begin thinking of or doing something else instead.

Thus I found the key is to be more self-aware, to notice one's thoughts and feelings as they come up and to think rationally that they are there to fill a void that can be filled with something much more positive and productive.

[Dusty]

Thanks for the support guys!! It's a fairly common occurrence for us DDers to hold onto less than feasible crushes for inordinately long periods of time.

Usually I've gotten over them simply by finding another person to crush on but then it's just a recurring cycle....I guess the hurt and negative feelings that came out of this one (because this was a guy I actually talked to and we went on one date, he could tell I was at least mildly interested in him, in the past I rarely talked to my crushes and wasn't nearly as hopeful that something would happen with them in the real world so it hurt less when they didn't show interest in me) taught me not to develop feelings for people until and unless they blatantly and consistently show an interest in you first! 

Though having DD crushes is fun, it's really just a crutch by which I try to replace something that is missing from my real life..and by obsessing over people I'm less motivated to find a real anchor or meaning in the real world. I've always felt...unfinished. Hopefully losing this crutch is a preliminary step in finding a more solid place in the real world...

[taffle]

Congratulations for getting this far. I also got over my former crush. In high school my feelings were 100%, but after high school, they started to wane. Now my feelings are 0%, sometimes negative though.

[Patra Sealey]

Good job!

I have also went though an unbreakup recently T-T Unfortunately it took 4 years >~/p>

But I completely understand how you feel and what you went through!

Applause applause applause ~~

[Dusty]

Thanks so much Hunter!! It definitely helped to have concrete day when I wrote down a bunch of stuff, accepted the fact that he all signs pointed to the fact that didn't like me and made a concrete plan to finally get over him. I'd say it just took getting to the realization that the crush served no purpose in my life and coming up with ways in which I could channel my time and energy into other pursuits instead of thinking/dding about him. Thanks for the support :3