Imaginary romance feels more real than actual romance?

[Dusty]

I've had romantic daydreams about idealized crushes for years. When I'm in an intense romantic DD, it can feel incredibly real. When I'm lounging around or lying in bed I'll imagine cuddling with an imaginary lover, gazing into each others' eyes, kissing or whispering sweet nothings and it's like I can really feel him there. It's like I can almost physically sense his love for me and mine for him. And those types of DDs leave me wondering, is that what love is supposed to feel like in real life?

I had one real-life boyfriend, which lasted for a year. I thought I'd have the same types of feelings for him, but the only feelings I really had for him were possessive feelings, no love or romantic feelings at all past the first couple of months. We would cuddle, hold hands, kiss, gaze into each others' eyes, whisper sweet nothings, and I could totally zone out. Almost as if it wasn't really happening,

I was literally just going through the motions without feeling anything. I was disappointed that, even though we cuddled romantically, the same way as in my DDs, I wasn't feeling or experiencing it the way I was in my DDs. I was also wondering if I had been de-sensitized to romantic situations from DDing about it too much. However, once the relationship ended, I got a new crush and was able to have the same sorts of intense romantic daydreams, with feelings I never felt for my actual boyfriend.

I'm just trying to be optimistic and hope that I COULD have feelings if the romance was with the right boy.

I'm wondering if anyone has had a similar experience? Also if you've had more than one partner, have you had stronger feelings for one than the other? OR do your DD relationships always feel more real than your real life relationships? Or the opposite?

[greyartist]

DDs can create unreasonable expectations for our partners. No one can live up to our ideal. Remember that we can't live up to their ideal either and we want them to accept us as we are so we need to do the same. DDing does seem to de-sensitize us. I sometimes wonder like you if the "right" person would spark those feelings, but I don't think it would work that way. Unless your DD person could become real, but even then once they began to think for themselves they too would be less then perfect. 

[Dusty]

Thanks for the responses!!!!

Anette, it's good to hear you found a great partner that you love. I know the passion is supposed to die off into more of a loving friendship, though I barely even felt that with my ex! LOL. And I agree. Everything in DDs happens at EXACTLY the right moment, like a master cake with intricate detailing that is just perfect in my eyes. Real life relationships would more like a birthday cake slapped together by someone's amateur mom. It's still a cake, but it just isn't the same. Great analogy, I know xDDD.

I agree Sara, to an extent. I feel like there needs to be some level of passion in a relationship, at least initially. With my ex, there never really was any passion, things got boring and monotonous after the first date. I'll admit to stirring up unnecessary drama for the sake of entertainment, but I really think I've matured past that. A real relationship should be comfortable but there should still be feelings and love.

[LostSoul99]

Well I completely know what you mean. The guys I create in my DDs, it would be hard to find guys like that in real life. I have different types of guys in my DDs. Usually depends on my mood or the song that I'm listening to. Usually I prefer like Annete Lesley, the breathtaking, powerful, dangerous guys or the aloof, mysterious, detached guys, or the enticing, player types or a combination of all three. But obviously in real life, those types of guys are pretty hard to find and if I could find them, there'd be a lot of drama. So I guess most MDers would get bored easily in their relationships if they don't match up to what they had in their DDs. But I would suggest to just hang on there if you do get into a relationship  'cause in real life, there's not always going to be intense passion or romance that is going to make up a relationship, it would take commitment, mutual understanding, and a desire to be together.

[Dusty]

Thanks for the reply Hunter! Yes, I think I DD about types of boys that probably don't exist as well, they're too perfect. It would be incredibly hard to find a real person that even comes close. I agree that it should also really be about the friendship aspect, something else I didn't feel to strongly about with my ex, either. On the plus side I am attracted to some common flaws like shyness. I think the tricky part is that my DD boys and ones I'm attracted to are shy but in a cool way, more just aloof and detached than actually awkward.