Not really about MD- Social difficulties and the ticking clock (not really sure where this is going)

[Dusty]

IT's been awhile since I've posted anything on here, partly because I never think of it, and partly because I have trouble finding the motivation to articulate what I'm thinking in a coherent way.

Probably, if I had a good group of close and reliable friends to spend time with in REAL life, even 1 or 3, you probably wouldn't see me on chat even once a month. 

I sort of feel my university life has been a waste. It happened so fast. There I was in high school, unhappy with the group of "friends" I was in, imagining how I'd get to university and be swarmed with hundreds of like-minded mature individuals to share my years with, just as they all say, that university is supposed to be the time of your life, and it all goes downhill afterwards.

At first, university WAS the time of my life. I lived in a dorm with 50 other first-year students and became very close with one girl, moderately close with a few others (mostly guys) and on amiable terms with basically the entire floor. That was one of the few times in my life I really felt socially included and fully accepted and involved as a member of a group.

I hadn't really peered beyond the tip of my own nose towards the following years. Little did I know that that girl I had been best friends with in first year would have stopped talking to me completely by November of second year. I was beginning to date a boy at that time, a boy I had met online, and the only boy I ever dated. He was very shy and socially awkward like myself, and we had chatted for about 6 months before we met up. To be honest I was sort of ashamed him as my boyfriend, and for that reason I didn't really want to mix him with my "cool" friends from the dorms.

I'm no longer with the boy, it ended over six months ago, and I'm VERY glad of it (the relationship ended up MUCH more dull than how I imagined it would be and I had no particular feelings for him). 

Obviously, I'm no longer in regular contact with the people I lived with first year (although I do see them periodically while on campus) and to be honest I don't feel anywhere near close enough to any of them to feel comfortable trying to reintegrate into the group, even though all except the one girl seem to still like me. I am away from school for the summer but will be going back in September for my fourth and final year at this particular school. To be honest I can't help but feel the last two years of university have been wasted- 1.5 of this on my ex.

I have this deep sinking feeling that my life is somehow over, being 20 and having lost all my friends already, feeling that somehow I'll never be able to make any lasting friends because of this. Even though rationality would tell me I'm still young and have the rest of my life (including this year) to make new friends I can't help but feel that way and it's frankly quite depressing, especially since university is "supposed" to be the climax of one's life and it's all supposed to go downhill afterwards, it just sort of feels like a waste at this point.

(Sorry for rambling incoherently and/or whining/seeming lazy :3)

[Laura Gardiner]

Whoever you heard that from, I guess college years were the best years of THEIR life.  You have your own story, and it doesn't have to be like any story you've heard before.  I think that life is a cusomized training program, and our experiences and relationships are customized specifically for our learning and growth.  Your life story up to this point is not a mistake.  Things are as they should be.  Keep trying, keep learning, keep reaching out to people.  I think the years ahead of you hold a lot of joy.

[Dusty]

@Hollie: Yes that is true, a large part of university is not about the people but also about what you learn and achieve. I guess how it's just how the media tends to put special emphasis on the former...

@Brett: HAha I kind of thought I was the only one who felt like that tbh. Tbh I feel more comfortable with the idea of making totally new friends rather than going back to the old ones who will wonder where I've been and notice I changed.

[Brett Elaine]

I totally get what you're saying about being uncomfortable about trying to reintegrate..maybe you could reach out to one of them and see how it goes. That is, if you actually want be closer with the group, provided your discomfort about reintegrating disappears.

And while there are some people for whom university could have been the highlight of their lives, there are also tons of people who would say the opposite.