Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
For the past year my mental energy has been spent. Nothing exciting ever happens anymore, and the rare time anything does happen it's like I can't fully experience it.
I've been living back at "home" at my mom's house. I've been unable to daydream partly due to lack of privacy and partly due to aforementioned lack of inspiration, emotion and energy. The two factors seem to go hand in hand.
I don't know anyone to have interesting conversations with on a regular basis. The previous crush I had got a girlfriend. I rarely do things independently anymore. My job is not satisfying and I have to act fake-cheerful and generic around everyone I meet in all the situations I'm in (job, family, volunteering). The real me never gets to appear and I even start to question if it still exists.
I feel out of place in this town and city, not unlike how I felt where I lived for school. Though back then something about my mentality made me curious and I still tended to appreciate the beauty and interesting things around me. Now I never can find a reason to leave the house unless I have to and usually don't enjoy it much if I do.
It is depressing to think of what a boring person I am. I realize this whenever I attempt creative writing--although I have (admittedly vague) ideas, they don't inspire or excite me at all. Same goes with daydreaming, which I don't do a whole lot of anymore either.
People generally say to "join a group" or "start a hobby" but anytime I've done those things I've felt like a fake and less like myself instead of the opposite.
I hardly feel any emotions anymore, except for a mild worry about how boring a person I am and wondering if I'll ever be able to have an exciting active life.