(To start with I want to say this post was inspired by a blog by Roobles. Thanks Roobles!)

I think that more people than you could ever imagine have MD. Think about how many people might not have access to a computer and therefore wouldn't be able to find this website or any other website about MD. And then there are the people who just have never bothered to actually search to find out what they might actually have. A lot of people say when they first join this site that they've had…

I caved yesterday. And while I am disappointed in myself I also think the period of time without the DDs was a good learning experience. I learned that I could actually quit (if even for a short period of time) and I've learned a lot about my triggers. 

I've given up on quitting (although I am going to make more of an effort not to do it as much, or at least not while other people are around) and here are my reasons (or excuses. Depends on how you wanna look at it).

While it is…

This is gonna be a tough couple days. I have the next three days off so I'll be home alone. Its gonna make things difficult. Actually tuesday most of the day I'll be working at my second job but today and tomorrow anyway will be hard. So here's my game plan:

First of all I've found that when I occupy myself with other things I tend not to DD. So I'm writing myself out a specific schedule, as detailed as I can make it, and make sure that every second of my time is accounted for so I…

So it has now been 3 full days with no DDs. I'm proud but at the same time my confidence is starting to waver. I had the day off today and was alone most of the day in the house so it was a hard day. But I made it through.

A lot of times when I start to quit (this time included) I find myself almost arguing with myself over whether I should start up again. Its kind of like the whole devil/angel on the shoulders thing. The "devil" (not the actual devil. I'm not having satanic…

So yesterday as I was taking my dog for a walk in the morning I realized something. This would normally be a time I was in full DD mode because I was alone and the dog isn’t gonna judge me if I’m whispering to myself (I live in a very rural area so there aren’t very many people around), and when I’m in that state of mind I’m usually looking at the ground or just kind of spaced out and in my own head. I never realized until yesterday how much it really keeps me from seeing the world. I mean…

Its been a little over 43 hours and I still haven’t had a DD. I’m very proud of myself. It actually hasn’t been as hard as I thought but I have had a couple times where I really wanted to. Actively trying not to is really helping to show me where my triggers are, when I usually do it, and where I am when I usually do it. Its surprising me a little. 

One big place I always knew I did it a lot was in the car. Partly because I am totally alone and I don’t care if people see me talking to…

I have been suffering from MDD for as long as I can remember. I just never knew what it was called. Now that I know I have more hope than ever that I’ll be able to stop daydreaming. There are other people who do this. It has a name. People know about it. This is huge for me. I’ve been living in shame thinking I was the only one who did this. I was afraid even to tell my therapist about it because I was afraid I had schizophrenia or something awful that would mean I’d have to go on medication…