Yes I know it's another stupid blog about me but I'm sure you might be interested in hearing... So um yeah well here it goes, Life is far too full of disappointments for me so much so that I just go as far as I can to push people away from me. It's not like I try to hard people are very judgmental about me anyways, but in any case I do try. There was one point about a few months ago where I had made up this whole thing about not liking a president in order to try to push away girl who is being… Continue

In the absence of other humans' presence I thrive,

Yet with out other humans I do not strive,

Even in the light of day,

I cannot keep these thoughts away,

My heart is heavy,

No crime is petty,

I must walk straight and steady.



In all this searing searing heat,

I control an ocean fleet,

In the freezing freezing cold,

I become Great and bold,



Without love without war,

Nihilism forevermore,

Alone desolate silent… Continue

In this world there are few kinds of people. There is there is bad and there are some in between but I am not sure which of these I am. it depends on perspective after all, if you need me you would be able to choose. But for now we'll just go on the information that I must tell you. I admittedly am very self-conscious person, sometimes I don't know the words that I want to speak at least the short-term words anyways therefore I must speak in a way that's over scientific to others. People find… Continue

I can't stand it. No matter what I do I fail at everything. Every class that requires homework is another folly to me. I can't even think about doing school work once I get home and I hate trying to ask the school counselors for help. All they do is try to send me to the school psychologist who thinks I'm all overtheplace and stresses me out and makes me shake with anxiety. I hate school I am only made fun of and yelled at for no reason by a teacher who calls me names and points fingers ate in… Continue

Red...I don't know what it is to see that color. I dream about it and it's importance (although I can't imagine what it looks like) and what it would be like to see it. Is it hot, does it burn, will it hurt my head, does it get real hot like black, is it bright like yellow, is yellow the same with it? What is it.......I must find out! I hope in the future someone cures this deficiency. I'm tired of being one of few females with it... I dream of the colour red all the time. It is like the colour… Continue

Everything I do becomes a mess, nothing I can do can fix them. Those who make me upset scarcely see it upon my face but those who get in my way are hurt with tongue. I can't love anyone because of my sadness and yet it is that sadness which is caused by being alone. My dreams are good but they only do so much. I want to just be normal but it feels impossible. It seems there is nothing I can do. I try but I fail. I become angry so easily and I become quite sad very easily and when the two mix I… Continue

Mothy didn't really seem to care about my dding but he had many problems about it when he asked what I would dd about. When I told him he became hugely jealous thinking that all the males in my Dds where replacing him or something. There was a time when we got very close to one another and he asked me what I was dreaming about when I was pacing. Being fully honest, I told him about the odd and absurd world where everything was a huge work of art that was absolutely everywhere and I described to… Continue

Mothy was a boyfriend I was with for about,... 7 to 9 months... I'm not exact on the numbers yet... He was the first person I ever told about my dermataliamania and my maladaptive day dreaming. The last person I expected to react positively to me, he just gave me a great big kiss and said, "I don't care if people put you in a crazy house, I'm just gonna end up in there with you!" (Yeah much of the things he would say sounds like this with lot more slur and pace!) so he accepted me as I was but… Continue

Tonight, I've decided I'm going to tell you all a little about my personal life. I used to have a friend who I'll refer to as Mary. Mary was a very interesting person. She was tall, had naturally beige hair, light skin, strong shoulders, and a fair skill in computers. She also wore glasses, was clumsy (due to her growing proportions) and was often running off with guys who liked me but settled for her due to the simple reason that she'd put the moves on and I give no care. There were many many… Continue

A long while back there was a guy that (for once) I actually cared about. It was nice to have him to talk to but for a while I couldn't speak to him... I was very sad but now I can. He's good to talk to and nice to chat with but now I'm worried, even with this happiness in me I can't help with the stress lately and the derma-hippo-whatia again Lol... Daydreaming helps but it isn't enough, today I daydreamed for almost 5 hours! My head is pounding! I decided to take a shower when by the end I… Continue

Itch itch itch scratch scratch scratch. I am disgusting. My scalp is raw and red. I still don't stop. I don't know why. I am confined to a bed, chair, or car seat and cannot pace or dream. I need a physical outlet. My head is sore. Dermataliamania is a disorder linked to OCD. It is a horrid disorder in which one has the absolute need to scratch at the skin, pluck out cranial hair and peel off skin fragments. It sounds disgusting and looks worse but I do it anyway. I feel like worms are on me… Continue

What does it mean to be friends? Sometimes I don't know. I walk with, talk with and eat alongside a 'friend' of mine all the time but I don't call to him by 'friend'. My only best friend betrayed me and tossed me to dust and my core was unmoved yet I felt emotion and what one might call agitation. These emotions are so confusing in me but sure in my watching of others. My mind is off; I feel no emotion by heart and must learn to distinguish them in me. My eyes are unfit; they see the wrong… Continue