The easy way out

[Mишка (Miska)]

It seems no matter what I do what I say what I try no one ever cares about me. And even when my mind is lost within all the usual train of thoughts, my main love is to find myself dead. Because no one's there to save me I just die alone and hopeless with out I strand of hope or a person there to mourn me. That is usually the case in such thoughts. Even now more than ever all I want is to no longer exist to have no more interaction. I feel so hated every single day of my life I can't bare to be. Not to be not to be not to be. That is all I ever want. I put my heart into loving people and all they do is disappoint me and this makes me melancholy beyond any respects. I try so hard to win people's favor so that maybe perhaps somehow they will love me in return. But no one does nobody cares not a soul wants to see- me standing before them filled with glee. My heart is always filled and crushed within the same day. I can't care if anyone screams or yells at me again. Because I give my all and lose it all and no one loves a loser so I hide and cry in such lonely places. I always hear people say the easy way out is for cowards and that only stupid people do such things. But I feel there is nothing easy about what I wish to do, nothing simple or cowardly. All the time I try to stand up for myself. I always try to be the best. And I am pretty sure it takes a lot to kill yourself; to hurt yourself badly enough to end your own life. I've always told my parents of my hatred for living. They brush it of their shoulders they don't care I matter not. There is no pity for me. And that's good enough for me. I suppose that's all I deserve I never was anyone's beloved one no one's care. I guess that's all I'm worth because all I want to do is draw and write and sew and love and to have someone's time to waste. But my art is worthless, I can't sew patterns, and no one would ever be so hateful towards them selves to be so loving to me. That is that. So what is so easy about it? What is so easy as the easy way out...さよなら

[Liz]

I feel like that sometimes too. Just take one day at a time.

[The1andonlyAbber]

I agree with @Tinkerbell. DON'T GIVE UP!!!

[Tinkerbell]

Look at all of the things you can do.  You can draw, sew and write.  You are multi talented.  How many people can say that they can do all of those things?  Cherish your talents and never see them as worthless, in time you can and you will improve with practice.

People can be nasty and fake.  Just focus on yourself and try to meet people with similar interests and look, already you have taken the first huge step towards that. You are on a social networking site, full of people around the world who have MD just like you, who are willing to talk to you and be your friend.  :-)