Well I had my counselling appointment last night. My counsellor listens really well and tends not to straight-out tell me what she thinks, but just reflects back to me what I've said and helps my thoughts flow. So I can figure things out myself I guess.

I told her of my encounter with Jesus. And she was amazed. She thought she might do a relaxation thing with me, to help me invite Him in. But I already did that myself! She was impressed! (: Anyway, I still believe that He was really…

My Christian Counsellor asked me if I would inviite Jesus into my DD. My character isn't a christian, or actually, religion just isnt a part of what goes on in my mind when I DD. It's always been my own personal space where I can do what I like and it's safe. I've always thought that if God knew what happens there (and of course He does) He wouldn't like it at all.

But anyway, my homework was to invite Him into a DD. I tried it last night. And I guess it wasn't what I expected.…

My Anxiety/Panic

I can’t see

and it’s like I am now in a very dark room

where a bright light has just gone out

standing on the edge of eternity

knowing there is an open doorway

of light

somewhere

but I can’t see it

and therefore can’t get to it fast enough

and I need to

because I know what also lurks

in the darkness

a door that’s…

I just can't get her out of my head! What else can I say?

She's lovely.

But the question is, do I want to be LIKE her, or do I WANT her with me? Or both?

Sometimes I feel like the rest of the world is against me, and so I want to disappear. Am I just being paranoid? Probably. But it doesn't matter, because I still don't like the agony of wondering. I am so caught up in what people think of me...it's exhausting. I can never relax.

I've decided to move out into my own place. My own space would be nice. A place to call my own and not have to keep looking over my shoulder to see if what I'm doing is right, or ok.

This is why I…