Journey to a Life Free of Maladaptive Daydreaming

[Ulaan Gom]

Day 1 - I've been Maladaptive Daydreaming for over four years now, and I know that it's time to stop. I've recently been able to improve my life, but am facing some obstacles right now and want to clear my mind and focus on improvement. Today I spent a huge amount of time in depression and daydreaming, trying to escape my current circumstances and overlooking all the blessings in my life. I truly believe that all our lives have so much value, value beyond our imagination, and that we should try our hardest to recognize that value. So right now, I will take small steps, starting off by forgiving myself for all the mistakes I have made, and calmly take on whatever I need to do.

[Ulaan Gom]

I'd say to a limited extent it has helped. I haven't been very consistent with my logs here (I think I've had breaks lasting over a year), but the more consistently I document my experiences, the more clarity I'm able to get of my thought patterns. I'm hoping to be more consistent and give a more focused effort, and see where that ultimately takes me.

Liz said:

you have been going on with this journal for 4 years - does it work?

[Ulaan Gom]

Day 31 - My MD has been fairly strong over these last few days, but I've had moments when I was able to step back and catch myself. I spent a bit of time earlier today reading about MD, which gave me a little extra motivation to want to eventually overcome MD.

[Ulaan Gom]

Day 35 - My MD over the last few days has been somewhat manageable, and I have been able to get a good amount of work done. 

[Ulaan Gom]

Day 37 - For the first two thirds of the day I had surprisingly little MD's. I really enjoyed the mental clarity and ability to focus on what I want and who I want to be. My usual MD's started creeping back up again towards the evening, but overall I'd say today I made some good progress.

One reason I want to overcome MD:

I want to be able to love myself more, and give myself value for who I really am. My MD's are almost all centered upon idealized versions of myself--versions that are often unrealistic and unattainable, and versions that often try to hide or shroud key parts of my personality. I want to be able to accept myself fully for who I am, and hope that by overcoming MD, I'll be one step closer to doing so.

[Ulaan Gom]

Day 39 - I did have a significant amount of MD over the past few days, but was able to cut down during times when I had to attend to an immediate responsibility. I think I'm making progress, and I'm proud of my effort. I think one thing that'll help me moving forward is really articulating certain worries or unattended responsibilities/goals that I may have, and seeing whether I can take slow steps towards addressing them.

Another reason to overcome MD:

I want to learn to make the most of what I have, and see the opportunities within every situation I encounter. When times get tough and I'm particularly unsatisfied with an aspect of my reality, I especially tend to turn to MD to escape and imagine an alternate one. I want to eventually be able to more fully face and be present with uncomfortable situations, and see what I can do to cope with or address them.

[Ulaan Gom]

Day 40 - Today my MD intensity/frequency experienced times of ups and downs, but overall I'd say it's been a bit more manageable compared to how it was yesterday. 

Another reason to overcome MD:

I want fully learn how to drive, and I've often struggled with awareness issues. I'm hoping that overcoming MD can help increase my sense of presence necessary for driving safely.

[Ulaan Gom]

Day 41 - I also had ups and downs in my MD frequency today. It was probably highest around the afternoon (and when I showered), but I was later able to consciously catch myself and somewhat bring the frequency down.

Another reason to overcome MD:

Many tasks and pursuits that I find rewarding require longer, sustained periods of focus and effort. I want to be able to give my focus and presence to these tasks and pursuits (such as working out, meditation, working on myself professionally, learning about a new field), and I believe that with less MD, I will be able to not only give more of myself in these tasks, but also gain more fulfillment and engagement from these tasks.

[Ulaan Gom]

Day 42 - Similar to yesterday, I experienced ups and downs in terms of MD frequency throughout the day. Overall though, today has been pretty good. With enough awareness, I've been able to pull myself away from MDing and into the present for more extended periods of time. Writing reasons why I want to overcome MD has really helped keep me centered and grounded.

Another reason to overcome MD:

I want to be able to understand the needs of others and more effectively care for others. Oftentimes, in group situations, I will be in my "MD mindset", drifting in and out of daydreams which almost all center upon slightly altered versions of reality in which people are paying more attention to me, think more highly of me, or are more pleased by my actions. In the process, this shifts my attention away from the group and more towards myself and the desires of my pride and ego. I want to be able to see beyond this, and begin to develop a more genuine desire to help uplift others according to their needs, and I definitely know that breaking my cycle of self-inflating MD's can significantly help me in doing so.

[Ulaan Gom]

Day 43 - Honestly today hasn't been too different from yesterday. I've had ups and downs with MD, and am just continuing to monitor my mind and more deeply internalize why I want to overcome this.

Another reason to overcome MD:

I want to be able to imagine and dream new possibilities for my life. Instead of turning to daydreaming as an escape from my current reality (and lack of satisfaction with current situations), I want to be able to image more in my life, truly believe that more in my life is possible, and start going towards making that happen.

[Ulaan Gom]

Day 45 - The last two days have definitely had periods of strong MD. A lot has happened, and I'm going to make it a point to remain kind to myself.

Another reason to overcome MD:

I want to be more present to feeling gratitude in my life. My MD's always focus on and highlight what I don't have in my life, and why my life isn't good enough. While identifying my current shortcomings and getting to know opportunities for growth can be productive, I think it's also important for me to recognize and appreciate what I already have in my life. I believe that overcoming MD will allow me to become more present to my current situations and more able to feel gratitude for my real life.

[Ulaan Gom]

Day 46 - I've had pretty strong MD today, especially towards the evening and night, and to a lesser extent in the morning. During the late afternoon, I was able to enjoy a period of relatively low MD and focused work. I'm going to keep pressing forward, and will not give up in my efforts to overcome MD.

Another reason to overcome MD:

I want to be able to truly love and appreciate others. While I feel that I am able to somewhat naturally do so for my close family, I have a tougher time loving and appreciating others around me. Whenever I think of others, my mind often reverts to MDing about them being able to see how "amazing" I am (or an inflated version of myself is). While I think it's very important for me to have a healthy sense of value for myself, I also want to be able to love, appreciate, and connect with others. I want to get out of my head and come into my heart. I want to connect with others and feel their joys and pains. I want to be able to greater empathize for others. Since my MD's are often overwhelmingly self-centered, I'm hoping that by overcoming my MD, I will be better able to connect, love, and empathize for others.

[Ulaan Gom]

Day 47 - My MD today has been moderate, definitely less intense and frequent than it had been yesterday. I did experience periods of ups and downs, and during the more difficult moments (emotionally), I did find that a touch of music (instrumental) actually helped. 

Another reason to overcome MD:

I want to be more focused in the workplace, and focus on working with my co-workers and getting tasks done, instead of MDing about by co-workers seeing me in an ideal light. I am lucky to currently have a great opportunity professionally, and want to do my absolute best to make the most out of it.