Things I wanted to do

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Since I was 18, and went off to College, I expected to do a great many things, now that I was an adult. I dreamt of traveling the world, thriving in an art career and eventually getting married. Trouble was I wasn't being realistic with myself. Being a young kid, I had no skill sets in traveling independently, and I couldn't even afford it. I had to switch my art studies to another practice, only to find out that practice wasn't my calling, after it took me years trying to develop it. And I never had a real relationship or knew anybody who wanted to get serious with me. So I stayed put living in my home town, not going anywhere else, struggling to pursue a career that wasn't it, and I've been single forever. Just recently, I learned that maladaptive daydreaming has actually ruined my concentration and prevented me from doing the things I wanted to do. Now I'm so mad at myself. My mom is also giving me a hard time ever since she found out about my MD. Not only that, MD literally effected my health. Moral of the story. You got to know an addiction when you see one. Unless you really love doing it, please get professional help to suspend it, because you may just be sorry down the road. Your career, your life and your social reputation will be under critical circumstances. 

[Ulaan Gom]

I'm going to try my best to reach out for help regarding MD. I feel you on that, MD has really made it significantly more difficult for me to focus, concentrate, and work towards aspirations in real life. But I feel like there's hope. No matter how deep and how long we've been in MD, I believe that there's hope that things can slowly get better, if we take small baby steps one day at a time.

I commend your courage for telling others in your life about your MD. I want to do the same, but am still working up the courage to do so.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I was very young when it got started, but I honestly regret it now. It just ruined everything. My life. Relationships. Other people's trust. When it began, I thought it was a wonderful thing that made me feel happy. It made me believe that things about my life will get better. What I didn't seem to realize that it was an addiction that will eventually make everything worse. So now I'm quite shocked. 

I noticed while I was doing MD as a teen, classmates were making comments on how I looked on the outside. They caught me laughing at nothing, talking to myself, staring around the room and pacing. Years later, when I was done with college and stayed home looking for work, my mom caught the signs just like my peers did. She was so distraught, because she thought I was going nuts. She started talking me out of a practical career and that ART should become my living. I had several jobs that flopped due to wondering and not communicating. I've lost friends who didn't know what to say about my inappropriate laughter. Men didn't find me attractive, because they thought I was weird, so I never had a romantic partner. 

Everything happening in my future was the opposite of what I wanted. MD filled my head with many lies. I'm so mad that I fell for it. I don't do MD anymore, but because I learned a lot. However I'm picking up the pieces and trying to find ways to revive my life. I'm considering making a change to my career and getting a new circle of friends. 

[Ulaan Gom]

I feel like I can relate to a lot of your experiences you've outlined here. I've definitely had family members catch me MDing and wondering what's going on, and through school and jobs I feel like MD has made it really difficult for me to concentrate or find motivation.

I share your frustration over MD and missed opportunities. However, I also do believe that our experiences with MD can serve as learning experiences for figuring out what we want and how we want to live our real lives.

Do you have any advice on overcoming MD? I'm trying hard to let go of it, but it's definitely taking a lot of effort.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I stopped MD when I was 29, but it took me five years to transform and get out of that realm entirely. When I look back, I quiver at how nuts it was. Of course, when I was in it, I didn't seem to care, because I lived in my head. It does haunt me how many individuals my MD actually effected. 

MD is "maladaptive" so it's actually effected my growth. Rule of thumb. If you start a new habit that happens to make you feel so good, do your research! Read other people's stories. You might just change your mind. 

[Ulaan Gom]

I feel the same way regarding how MD has affected my growth. Thank you for sharing your advice!

Jessica Ballantyne said:

I stopped MD when I was 29, but it took me five years to transform and get out of that realm entirely. When I look back, I quiver at how nuts it was. Of course, when I was in it, I didn't seem to care, because I lived in my head. It does haunt me how many individuals my MD actually effected. 

MD is "maladaptive" so it's actually effected my growth. Rule of thumb. If you start a new habit that happens to make you feel so good, do your research! Read other people's stories. You might just change your mind. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I think I got too carried away with my fantasy life, and I should've dropped it and payed more attention to my real life. AND payed attention to people. 

I was crazy to think I'd be fine and still have a successful life. During the time I was doing MD, it seemed people were overreacting to how I failed to pay attention and listen up. 

I wake up now and quite sadly, I understand why nothing in my life ever worked out. I was too busy living in dreamland. 

I tears me up how much life my MD has sucked. It happily promised me things, when really it lied to me, and served me unwell, practically leading me to a life of pain.

I haven't traveled in forever, and have stared at the same parks, ravine, lake and suburbs for 16 years. It got tedious when I came home from college, tried to get a job (crash and burn) and ended up stuck, because I was too mentally unwell to change anything about my life. SO I feel like I'm staring at a geography that I'm very sick of and want a change of scenery. 

Everybody has ignored me because MD made me a very quiet person, so nobody knows how I feel about anything. If you can't talk and communicate, you get what you deserve. 

When I began to MD as a kid, it was so cool, now it's not cool. It's the contrary. It's a nightmare.