what's your story?

[Heaven]

Hi.
I'm fairly new to this community, I only found out about a month ago that what I've been doing practically my whole life had a name. I love that this website exists and I can come here and read different discussions and feel as if I'm not alone.

I really want to hear what everyone else's story is. How many people are similar to me and how many are different. If you have any stories about your experience I would love to hear it. I'm trying to learn as much as I can about MDD and unfortunately there isn't a lot of research out there.

Thanks.  

[The1andonlyAbber]

My whole story's WAY too long to type here, sorry! But basically, it started when I was about 7, when I, being an only child, decided to create an imaginary brother.

[Source]

New member here too!
Be warned, this will get long.

It all started when I was roughly 6 or 7, it was this weird kind of "augmented reality" that I used while playing with whatever few friends I had to 'enhance' our activities. You know, kids' imagination.
But as I grew up, this thing became stronger and more accurate, and now (more than 10 years later) it has evolved into something that I could say is almost sentient, yet doesn't exist in reality. It seems like it has a will of its own which reacts to how I feel (forcing me to be an annoyed emotionless machine most of the time) and is making its best effort to devour my mind and what's left of my life, slowly driving me to the brink of insanity in the process. I used to have a girlfriend a couple months ago, the best damn girl I could ever hope to find in this world, and I really loved her, maybe I still do. Too bad it was one of those triple cursed long distance relationships that only people with an actually functioning brain can maintain, and I don't seem to be one of them at this moment. This disease (after all, MD prevents me from even thinking clearly without major trouble, which is what diseases do) is slowly erasing the memory of everyone that I love or even just care for, while replacing them with artificial beings in an alternate reality where things work the way they should. To give you an idea of how powerful it has become, right as I type this, I can see my imaginary self talking to a bunch of holograms in a room. This very profile is named after him. I need some way to kill this daydream engine monster in my head for good before I lose myself and everyone else to insanity, and my time's running short, so if anyone here has any suggestion on how to destroy it, I'll be glad to see it

This is my story. How about yours?

[gigglycharm]

I hate having MD i failed college once because and as im writing to you i am currently in college and i think i might fail aagain and to think i used to be an A student.My parents think im just lazy and addicted to the computer but my real problem is daydreaming thats my addiction.The computer just makes it worst.I hate my life, I have no real friends and the only friend i have was by default because herbestfriend stopped talking to her and stopped talking to me so we just became friends.On top of MD i think i might have social anxiety,I freak out being in front of stage.I have to do group presentations and it is so embarassing .I hate myself so much right now.My mom used to call me an idiot every day when i lived with her because i was always in my own world and i would just forget stuff or i would not wanna do school work so i could lock myself away in my room and daydream.The college is a lot smaller than the first one and people kinda know you.So basically I am that girl who walks around campus with no friends .Because i am always in my own world i trip over stuff and people especially boys laugh at me .When i was a child me and my brother used to be teased.My brother had autism and went to school with me.They would say i am retarded like my brother and someone even threw a stone at me once.I cant open up to my mom cause she just cusses me out.I have told my mom i was mistreated back in prepschool and she doesnt even believe me.Highschool was not that much better.I started daydreaming excessively since thirteen to get away from all my feelings of shame and pain but its not working anymore and my shame is is just amplifying.I mean my course is easy and yet i am still failing because of my MD.I also have a problem with how i look because when i was in highschool boys used to tease me about my nose ,boobs and call me ugly.I had a crush on a guy who never acknowledged my existence just told his friends about me and his friends teased me.In my MD i always dream of myself as prettier ,talented and having more friends.Where i am from there is a stigma to have any form of mental issues .I hate my parents they dont understand my pain.They think i am fine but i am not

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

Hey.  My story's pretty long.  I've had it all my life.  I grew up in an emotionally and physically abusive household, but I don't think that's what started it; I think it just pushed me in further.  I think this is just how I was born and made.  I know how horrible it can be and how wonderful it can be.  For most of my life, it took complete control over my life, and I felt horrible about myself.  Once I shed the shame and started living openly, it started to get better, and now it doesn't really bother me.  I accept that it will take me longer to do things.  Feeling guilty about it will only make it worse.  I agreed to be open and honest when I created this site in 2009, and I've made wondrous progress with it since then.  I've learned a lot, far too much to sit and bore you with here, but if you ever want to talk, message me.  I'm here for you.  

[Heaven]

I usually procrastinate anyway. Having MDD just makes it worse. It will take me longer to get assignments done and I'm really worried how that's going to affect me as I'm starting to grow up. I like some aspects of my MDD because I think it gives me creativity and my own secret world but sometimes the way it affects my activities worries me.

[Source]

In order to live a real life that's unaffected by daydreaming full control over it is mandatory, trouble is I still haven't met anyone who can do it. It's the peak of self control, and I intend to reach it. If only I knew how

[Floris]

It's been there for me since an early age. I've been more passive and less communicative and social than others and I guess this played a part in it, I felt I simply did not need others and was often bored with them too. I did have a very good friend in primary school and loved to meet with him. But after that period, he changed a lot and I never really met much people to connect with since, though some.

I have gotten away with MDD for a long time because my job was laid back but now they gave me the sack after a reorganisation. Now is the time to change my life for the better and I desperately want to use my strong creativity as a source of income but it's freakishly hard and generally considered impossible because over oversaturated markets. At least I do have the chance to try before I die.

The peak of self control....I don't really see day dreaming as an enemy that should vanish alltogether and I don't see that as a realistic possibility. All I see is the need for balance between present moment living and using my mind. I practice mindfulness shortly and strive to do it every day but forgot it many times. During it I also often get distracted in thought.

[Floris]

Hi Cordellia,

so glad to read that things have improved for you. I have been absent for a long time but am happy to see this site is still active.

I do wonder how you are able to make a living?

This is an issue for me right now, being between jobs and not really wanting a job but rather be my own boss. Being slower than others and too distracted to reach a goal quickly makes everything hard, regardless what I choose. And most jobs are kind of dull if you're a dreamer...of course half of the world ideally wants to be a writer, musician or artist but it doesn't spin that way.

regards,

Floris

[Lizzie Wanderlust]

Hi! :)

I could probably spend several hours attempting to write out my story… but I'll try to just stick with the basics.

I can't remember exactly when I started daydreaming, so I must have been very young (4 or 5?). I must be doing something both active and repetitive whilst daydreaming… when I was very young, I used to swing on a swing set, jump on a trampoline, or swim laps in a pool over and over again for hours while daydreaming. That was back when my daydreams were cute, and just the creation of child's imagination. Then, when I was about 8 or 9, I was told to stop talking to myself and get rid of my imaginary friends. I think that is when I began to pace whilst daydreaming… because I could pace back and forth in my bedroom with the door closed and without my parents ever knowing what it was I was up to. I just had to keep the radio turned down.

I fought with severe social anxiety throughout my childhood, and never received any of the support I would have needed to over come it from my family. When I was in my teens, I told my parents about my daydreams (back before I even knew MD was a thing… I thought I was all alone), and received the same lack of support. It seemed that my parents' answer to my obsessive daydreaming was that I "seemed normal", so I must be completely normally! (If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck…. Oh.) 

However, I slowly gained my independence from my parents, and am finally learning to face my daydreams on my own. Conclusion to my story: Still working on that. Though, I hope to have a happy ending, where I can control my daydreams and live a productive life. 

[Alice Evans]

I don't remember the first time I started daydreaming excessively. But, I remember I daydreamt about my school being invaded by aliens when I was 12. That's the earliest memory of me daydreaming I think.