Over and over

[Lily of the valley]

Recently I have found this website and realised that I am not the only one with Maladaptive Daydreaming. I want to share my story here, sorry for my bad English, I’m not a native speaker. 

So, it all started when I was 11-12 years old, after watching Harry Potter movies and reading the books. Since then I’ve been dreaming constantly. Dreaming about myself as a hero, a beautiful girl (I was bullied for being ‘ugly’), a savior. I’ve always wanted to be perfect, and these thoughts fed my fantasies.

When I was 13-14 years old, I expirienced some bad things: my best friend turned out to be an absolute narcissist who tortured me emotionally on a daily basis.  I found enough strength to end this friendship, but she had already managed to destroy my mental health. After that, my dreams started getting very dark, mainly about me in horrible situations, wars and pain.

I tried to stop daydreaming multiple times. In 2022 I managed to live without them almost 6 months. But they always come back. I can’t say that I don’t have control over my life: during my last year at school (this year) I studied for 11 hours every day to get myself into a top university. It was really hard to cut off daydreaming, but at least I had a goal. Now, when I achieved what I wanted - passed the exams with flying colours, it became really hard to control myself.

These days I can daydream all day long, barely eating and doing household chores. I’m getting therapy but, unfortunately, there are no visible imrovments. From now on, I will post my thoughts about daydreaming and share my progress. 

Thank you for reading my story, God bless you all!

[The1andonlyAbber]

Congratulations on getting into university! I can relate to daydreams about being a perfect person. I think the best advice I can give you is to be proud of your accomplishments, and plan to accomplish some realistic but challenging things in the near future.

[Mils]

you went 6 months without doing it? Thats amazing!!!! I'm sorry to hear it's been getting more intense though. And congrats on getting into ur dream university!!

[Lily of the valley]

@Jessica Ballantyne Yes, I did! I took me so long to answer, because I wasn't sure. I got into the best University in my country! 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Did you get into a top University? 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Did you get into a top University? 

[Lily of the valley]

@Dee Wards Thank you for your comment and advice! I guess I'm able to live a normal life with daydreaming, but I'm kinda scared to dream while doing something else, as if I'll lose control and the ability to concentrate completely..

By the way, I'm so happy that i've found this website! Now I can finally be understood. 

[Dee Wards]

I’m sorry to see that you’re not doing well.  It sounds like you've had some good accomplishments.  And getting therapy is a big plus.  For some reason, I’ve always been able to daydream and do other stuff….like while I’m working out, shopping, cooking, visiting with friends and family.  I’m not advocating it, but it does help me stay current and doesn’t hold me back.  It’s not problem free, of course, but it makes time go faster when I’m cleaning, waiting, or doing something I’d rather not do,   

I’ll look forward to seeing how things are going for you.