Hi again :)

In the past week, I've been going overboard with MDing. I've been finding it enjoyable again, which I'm not very happy about. My feet are completely wrecked. Walking now is painful. The bruise on my foot has gone from red to complete black. I just spent an hour cutting out the dead skin and now there's patches of uneven and multi-coloured skin. The worst part is I'm going away in 2 weeks for a holiday to the beach with friends, and I feel so self-conscious and ashamed to…

I've managed to go over 40 days without MD, but I still wanted to do it. I felt more and more anxious and everything seemed more dull. I finally told my boyfriend about it, and he went digging in Reddit forums to try find me some helpful advice. I joined too. Finally, he sends me a massive post from someone who quit for months. And the main point they made was that balance is more important than quitting. How can you just go back to normal life after living a fantasy? It's so boring. So now…

Hey! So by some miracle, I've finally managed to surpass my 14-day-streak of not maladaptive daydreaming. 33 days, woohoo!!! I'm just gonna tell you my thoughts and experiences in dot-points for the sake of time and ease:

• Despite still having strong urges to do it every now and then, it's starting to repulse me. Thinking about it reminds me of how horrible I would feel about myself after doing it.
• Even though I have not properly MDed for a month, it's still manifesting…

hiiii it's been a while

so lately I've been struggling with a lot of things, and then something hit me. If I didn't have MD for the majority of my life, I might've been able to achieve what I have dreamt of. Maybe if I didn't lose all those hours to it, I could've developed the social skills and intelligence to get what I wanted by now. I always dreamy of revenge of people who've hurt me, but I can't execute those plans now, I don't know I'm just writing stuff. It just hurts me to…