33 Days MD-free!

[Mils]

Hey! So by some miracle, I've finally managed to surpass my 14-day-streak of not maladaptive daydreaming. 33 days, woohoo!!! I'm just gonna tell you my thoughts and experiences in dot-points for the sake of time and ease:

• Despite still having strong urges to do it every now and then, it's starting to repulse me. Thinking about it reminds me of how horrible I would feel about myself after doing it.
• Even though I have not properly MDed for a month, it's still manifesting in different ways. My mind got so pent up last night that I spent almost an hour having a two-sided conversation alone in my bed and I couldn't get it to stop. I had to go to last resorts and it took ages to calm myself down. 
• I don't know what to do with myself now. I spend most my time behind a screen or on youtube. It's really weird haha
• I love what not doing this has done to my feet (since I would spin for hours). They aren't cracked, blistering, or hurting anymore. I feel more confident and for the first time I've felt okay being barefoot or wearing sandals around my boyfriend, friends, or in public.
• I feel like my future is more possible, more realistic
• My creativity has oddly been getting better lately? Like I've had more ideas and my writing has improved significantly. 
• Also I know he wont read this, but thank you to my amazing boyfriend. I haven't told him what habit I'm trying to break, and he's okay with that if I'm not comfy to. If I'm scared I'm going to MD, I'll text him and he'll remind why I shouldn't do it, and he'll congratulate me when I hit my no-MD goals. Having someone to talk to is important, friend, family, whatever, cuz even though they don't talk you out of it, it buys time for a distraction or for you to take a breath. 
• I've had time to reflect on my experience, and I think I wanna tell my story. I'm working on a screenplay about my experience, since I never saw any representation for MD and felt so alone as a kid. It's about someone's breaking point with MD (my experience), and how the media can make it much worse. I'm gonna come back and ask about all of your experiences, but for now I'm busy with other aspects of life.

Anyways enjoy this random ramble. Thank you for this space where I can talk and connect with others :)