Outside my head

[Jessica Ballantyne]

This is going to sound annoying. Living in a town for 29 years, all I ever heard by others is that I'm so quiet. They literally couldn't get a word out of me. I was too busy daydreaming in my head to realize how I looked on the outside. I actually never knew it made me look stupid. Non-family can be vigorous that way. I always used MD as a way to escape my frustrations, but it did me more harm that good, so I had to quit. It was the best decision I made. 

What reasons did you start doing MD? We're their any social issues involved that triggered this? 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I thought about having a family, but nobody ever comes along...I should've thought about this in the first place. 
Now I'm more interested in just focusing on myself and making sure I'm going to survive out there. As soon as I get a job placement. I'm hoping to move out by 36. 

I'm not in great shape, professionally. I have to catch up with skills and training. And I feel like I'm going to cry. I've haven't tailored my resume properly for every position I applied to since 2020. So the employers were probably trashing my resume. Plus my portfolio needs a load of improvement. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I was so naive. I see what everybody means. I'm not a mature and responsible, and realistic person who knows how to survive out there. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

What I fear is that I will keep on getting bumped off jobs, and eventually end up in a critical situation, as my parents get older. 

I'm considering starting this new program being run at my job development firm, only thing is that it's designed for people with disclosed disabilities. I am disabled in a way, by communication.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I'm actually not in the mood and interest to spend time on dating apps. I honestly do not date online. I'm not even a person for casual dating. I'm the type of person who just wants a steady relationship with someone. I think it's because I don't know how to relate with people on any level. I believe there is one particular person out there for me. I've never connected well with people in my whole life, actually.

I am very good at procrastinating, but it's getting bad for my health. I wake up feeling awful and need more coffee. I'm also very vexed about my future. And I'm self-conscious that I'm still not supporting myself and my parents are still spoon feeding me. 

[Kiruba Victor]

Good morning, Jess. You're right when you say you shouldn't assume people would help. But you also shouldn't assume no one would help either.

My situation is also getting worse by the minute. I'm also procastinating really bad. I spend a lot of my time on dating apps. And it's now a problem.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I always wondered why I was so miserable when I was younger—I didn't understand what my problem was back then, and didn't realize I don't connect with people on just about any level. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I didn't get it through me "that's just life." When I started attending OCADU, I was glowing with cheer that I'd be an accomplished full-time artist. AAAA Wrong. How are you going to pay for housing and food? Then I had to think of a practical alternative, but I picked the wrong career, which ultimately didn't work out. Now I'm deciding if I should wing it with a new job or return to college. Meanwhile my dad is getting closer to retirement. It's a nightmare come true. I didn't think this will happen, but it has. Like complacency got the better of me. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

My situation is getting serious. I really want to get a job soon, but I'm just sitting there, dithering. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

The old belief system that I held on to was stupid. It didn't compare to real life matters. I didn't get socially involved and showed my face in the public scene, so nobody knew where I was. Like I didn't leave my comfort zone. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I really that I got smart and did what I needed to do to survive. I never should've assumed that someone was going to help me out. Everybody basically carried on like I wasn't there. That's why I think my dreams are bullshit.