Outside my head

[Jessica Ballantyne]

This is going to sound annoying. Living in a town for 29 years, all I ever heard by others is that I'm so quiet. They literally couldn't get a word out of me. I was too busy daydreaming in my head to realize how I looked on the outside. I actually never knew it made me look stupid. Non-family can be vigorous that way. I always used MD as a way to escape my frustrations, but it did me more harm that good, so I had to quit. It was the best decision I made. 

What reasons did you start doing MD? We're their any social issues involved that triggered this? 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Not only was I not listening to anybody, and payed for it, but I looked at life like it can be my own world. This is my answer. 

[Kiruba Victor]

Yeah, most often, people insult others for their own good feelings. Very rarely, do I see constructive criticism. So yeah, we learn as we go in life, don't we? I've come quite a long way from 2012. And I believe so can you.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

When I grew up in town, people were always insinuating things and making remarks, but I didn't take it seriously. As if I felt they were full of shit. I was complacent that my future was still going to be great, no matter what anybody said, but I was wrong. I realize those were red flags that I completely ignored all these years. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I think it's about time I faced the music and accept this is what life gives me. It was all up to me, in the first place, and it will stay that way. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

The point is that I "can't talk" and people are looking for people who can talk. I think this destroyed my social life and romantic life. When I was a young kid, I had no idea, because I lived in my head. I couldn't even read feelings, which also made relationships extremely difficult. Most of everybody just thought, "nope, the fuck with you." 
Excuse my French.

The strategy is to find that great, loving and amazing person who can withstand my demeanour and verbal skills. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

The same problem just goes around in circles. All people see is my stupid "dim" demeanour, but they want more. I can't give them more, so like you mentioned, they give up and dart off. It's the same for everybody. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

What surprises me is there are men and women out there who look like donkeys, and they have spouses and partners, and friends. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I think it's just chemistry. There are people that can attract people. Then, there are people who can't attract people. It's not so much, how good looking you are or how genuine you are. It's what you've got inside you! Good looks do prop it up, but it's really an aesthetic. You have to have the whole package. 

[Kiruba Victor]

Yeah, a lack of social skills is a problem. It's pretty much what ruined my chances too, with anyone. Honestly, I'm also a good man, but it feels like no one picks me, at times. A person I was recently talking to, started losing interest, and I can't even figure out why.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I'm a good and loving person, who deserves better, but I've met a lot of people who just don't care. Think whatever, judge totally wrong and then leave forever.