impacts of MD, and how to overcome it.

[Fallen Messenger]

---WARNING! LONG POST AHEAD!---

Lately, on this website I've noticed less and less posts about "curing" MD or just finding hope through and for MD. This post I feel is my own personal thoughts and a response to the post my maro called "Why we are proud of daydreaming?..." I agree with maro on many points, but I feel he is getting the wrong idea. We don't have to loose our MD to find hope, we have to overcome it, more or less. This is mostly what this post is about. I will talk more on about what it actually means to overcome something in my own definition. But hey, I get it, MD can be pretty sucky basically all the time, and can drive you on the brink of suicide (believe me, I know that last part all too well), but I've noticed that a depressing amount of MDers on this website seem to not even desire hope, they are the ones who believe that it's "dellusional" to even believe hope is possible through MD, but more on that later. I am about to rant, so strap up! But I am going to cover some very valid points I believe everyone on this site should at least read. (its a long post)

---OBLIVION---

This is by far seems to be the biggest and most personal charge MD has against MDers. This is because we will be on an emotional high for a while, a few days, maybe a week, give or take, and you're doing just fine, developing characters and plots, then somehow... WHAM! reality smacks us in the face and screams WAKE UP! We snap back into reality and realize how much MD is hurting our lives. It's like a parasite, sucking it dry from the inside. This has definitely happened to every MDer, I don't care what your ego is, It's happened. I am no exclusion, when I "awoke" from my deep slumber of oblivion, I felt ashamed, suicidal. There was no hope for me anymore. I just needed to give up, just. let. go. Be free from the weight of maladaptive daydreaming that has clipped your social wings. This part of MD has a HUGE impact on a MDers life. But, does it really have to be that bad? I bet some people would actually accuse me of not being an MDer because I seem to be invincible to the impacts of MD on my life, but that is not true, I've overcome my MD. What you really need to do is focus on reality, honestly what helps me the most with this is is binge watching a show, Netflix is my biggest help with this. I will get so engrossed in a show that I "forget" to MD. Then I will MD about the show throughout the day, but how I tackle this is a little help from meditation. Often said to be the most healthy way focusing, meditation has been around since the beginning of time. But people now in days feel as if they don't have the time to do that, that its not important, its dumb, stupid, old fashioned. eh, true on the last insult, but it really is important. It tackles the mind and allows you to get to the root of your issue, to eliminate the dependency on your daydreams.  This allows you to snap out of your daydreams more willingly when they seep into reality. This is improve focus and allows you to overcome the shock of realizing you've been living in oblivion. Without the shock, the emotional low doesn't hit as hard, which allows you to grasp a greater control on your daydreaming to overcome it once and for all.

---"OVERCOME"---

Before I more on to my next point, I believe it's time for me to define "overcome" if you look up the definition of this word online, you will get something like this "succeed with dealing with a problem or difficulty" yeah, true... but I want to delve deeper into what it means to overcome. to overcome is to gain control of a situation, to master a quality or skill. Ha! maladaptive daydreaming as a "skill"?! Well, its really not that far off the beaten path. Here, let me explain: you're writing an essay for school or an article for a company. You're given a vague topic to base it off of, maybe a few sources to refer to. Assuming you've followed my advice in the "oblivion" section of this "blog" you can control when you daydream and the intensity thereof.  You decide that the best way to get your "creative juices flowing" is to do a quick daydream. I think all MDers can agree, the best inspiration happens while daydreaming or right after. So after you've daydreamed for a minute or so, you have a great idea, well, how do it write it? I have it planned out in my head, but how to I solidify a fluid thought into words, tricky, huh? Well, thats why the best way to tackle this is to replay your daydream in your head, tweaking things if you like, and saying it out loud, while your doing this, write down what your saying, or if possible, record your voice. I've found that almost all maladaptive daydreamers are exceptionally talented writers, probably because of our creativity reserve. With this, MD becomes a skill. And making MD a skill is one way to overcome MD itself. But what did I mean earlier when I said "to master a quality" well, this ones simple and I don't have to draw out an example with this one, It's basically becoming more similar to the people in your daydreams. If your alter-ego is a hero, you can learn the positive traits of that hero, and become very similar to that personality. Hard? Not really, this mainly happens when you come to the personal realization that you literally ARE your alter ego, and that every thought they think is what you have already thought, and their achievements are yours, etc, etc. And there are other ways I can describe what i believe overcome means. Its not just doing something but becoming something. Oh man, what does that even mean? It basically means to integrate something in your life. This means that if you are a doctor, you don't physiologically actually become a doctor until you've accepted and integrated the lifestyle into your life, and  let it take charge. Kind of life what maladaptive daydreaming is doing to the MDers without hope, they've let it take charge, they've literally become MD.

---SOCIAL INTERACTIONS---

Yeah, not such a big issue for me, because I don't care what people think of me, but for the more self-conscious people, and you know who you are, social interactions can be a nightmare. I used to be the biggest introvert in existence, so socially awkward, but now, I'm an ambrivert.  An ambrivert is the middle between an extrovert and an introvert. Some people believe that ambriversion is the mile stone in life, and others, the ultimate goal in life. Ha! I'm not that great, but me overcoming my MD led me there. Overcoming MD, I've already explained it, so I see no use to explain myself again, if this gets confusing, refer back to my overcoming paragraph.  When you're a maladaptive daydreamer, no matter how much hope you have, or how far you've progressed  through MD, you feel pretty content with your social interactions, because, well, you daydream, those daydreams often feel so real and warm, that it relieves your drive to be social. Why hang out with real people, when I can stay in my room, be a million miles away, be with my best friends, and be completely out of harms way? Back to my oblivion paragraph! (I'll be making many more refernces to that paragraph later) Yup! don't settle for your daydreams, you'll only awake to reality and realize you've never made bonds with the people you might have bonded with in your daydreams. This only leads to shock and despair. But, when you put yourself out there, you feel like you have no ties with others, because you honestly don't, and you don't know where to start because you've been living such an empty and unfulfilling life from the outside. Well, don't expect to be popular, I don't know a popular true MDer. This is why online interactions is a great way to start! Not tinder, not that kind of online interaction, I'm talking wildminds, I'm talking start texting some people who you used to be friends with before MD took over. Build a foundation, and everything will work out. Eventually, you'll find yourself with ambrivert tendencies, you'll never become a true extrovert because MD really never allows that to happen. Just follow these recommendations, and steps, and you'll be on your way to an improved social life.

---SECRETS---

This at first glance doesn't seem all that important, everyone has secrets, but for maladaptive daydreamers, it has a particularly huge impact on our lives. Every secret and lie has weight, no matter how used we are to telling lies or keeping secrets, the weight can still be felt. Most of us on this site have sealed lips about our MD with our friends and family. I totally get it, I haven't gotten the nerve to tell my parents what is actually going on in my life for a long time. But, I have told one of my most trusted friends. Best choice of my life. I couldn't have told just any friend, this one friend of mine I told has OCD, ADHD, anxiety really bad, and some other disorders and conditions I cannot remember. But the point I'm trying to make is that she sympathized with what I was saying, she understood. This is probably the biggest reason why most people on this site feel so safe by sharing their life's story on here. The internet, how mysterious, but how comforting... I once told a school counselor about my MD and she laughed and literally told me to get closer to my God. I was upset about that. Because of that, a professional, I couldn't ever get the nerve to tell my parents. It's been years since that experience, but I refuse to take that gamble. My family laughs at everything and everyone, extremely judgmental people with no concern for feelings, so I was never able to tell them. But my friend more than made up for that. Thanks to texting, I was able to cope with my feelings, dodge anxiety, and let it all out. I helped her from committing suicide, and she did the same for me. I wouldn't be alive here today if it wasn't for her. The moral of the section is that secrets have weights. Secrets lead to lies, and lies have weights. We can lift some of that weight by letting go in some regard. Tell this community your story, and tell a trusted person your story. As maladaptive daydreamers, we can never fully live without lies about who we are. But we don't have to let that simple fact lead us to despair, you can be lifted and freed by venting to the wildminds community or your most trusted friends. 

---TIME---

I'm not talking the herb. I'm talking the fluid set of veils written on a clock. Yes, Time, a character from Through The Looking Glass. Everyone has to manage it, and it is regarded to be the most important thing, well, ever. Scientists still don't understand it. Nothing could progress without it. And well, so can't we. A lot of people, especially teenagers, have a bad time managing their time, but it is particularly difficult for maladaptive daydreamers. Some MDer's DDs line up with real time, but others are either slower or faster than realistic time. For example, a second in real life is quicker than a second in your DD, this means your DD time is slower than realistic time. The opposite for faster than real time. Because of this common misalignment, we find that we believe we've only been DDing for 5 minutes, not bad, you look at your phone or watch and realize its actually been 15 minutes. Because of this is causes stress. Stress is horrible for health as many of you know. It causes an increased likelihood of  a heart attack and many other fatal health issues. This can cause a state of panic, and there really is no way of getting around it, is there? I don't really know how to control how fast my DD time is in comparison to realistic time, but maybe if you refer back to my oblivion paragraph, you can follow those steps which allow you to better control your MD, and then you could possibly have a better gauge of time. Story time! I had to do a project in 7th grade (such a long time ago) for time managing. It was a jar, you had rocks, pebbles, and water. the jar represented a day and the other things represented the things you could fit in that day. The moral was that you had to put your rocks in first which represented important stuff like sleep, eating, homework, job, etc. The pebbles went in next, they represented the stuff that was less important but still pretty important, showering, cleaning, working out, etc. And the water went in last, it represented fun stuff. video games, makeup, TV, coloring, texting, and most importantly DDing. For my jar I actually put DDing as a rock. Back then I couldn't overcome MD so it was a priority in my life. Now, I'd say its water. But I think that the important thing to learn from this is that MD can seem all-consuming, and take up all our time, but if we follow my steps in the oblivion paragraph, you can make it manageable rather than a basic survival need.

---ADDICTION---

Welcome to my last point. I would like to congratulate everyone whose made it this star by giving you a metaphorical gold star. Not good enough? Okay I'll give you free addiction advice. STOP. IT. haha, no stopping MD. All other addictions have a medium. something required between the craving and the reward. Something physical. Example, an alcoholic craves happiness, so they drink alcohol. The craving is the want, the reward is serotonin being released (the happy chemical in your brain). But something is required in the middle, alcohol. for us, the medium is our DD, but we don't really have to obtain it, it comes running to us at full force. An alcoholic has to go to a store and buy booze, while we just have it come to us. they drink, we think. We can't really put up a mental barrier, so we let it come. But all addictions can be overcome. Oh no, I used that word again. For most addictions, I would use the dictionary definition, but for MD I would use my personal definition for "overcome". There isn't a way to get rid of MD, all the cures! and self helps! they don't work. Medicine works. Willpower works. Those are literally the only two ways help a physiological addiction like MD. The willpower way  is the one described in the oblivion paragraph. Overcoming MD is like saying only one beer a day. It manages it, helps your willpower take control so you can take charge of your life once again. 

---CONCLUSION---

Thank you everyone whose read the entire thing! You've made it, feel proud! I have a feeling I'm going to get quite a few comments contesting what I say, I'm not saying your wrong if you have no hope through MD, that your a vile person. I'm saying quite the opposite. I'm saying that they're is an opportunity for you to get out of depression and to be able to manage your MD. You don't have let your self-hatred lead you in life. You can learn to maximize the positives of MD and shrink the negatives. You can be social again. You can ease the pain of addition. You don't have to carry around the weight of your secret anymore. You can learn to manage your time. You can find renewed hope. You can take charge in your life and overcome maladaptive daydreaming!

Please comment on anything you don't agree on or do agree on. I want to hear your perspective on this, and I would be happy to answer any of your questions with more detail than what I have in this long, long post! Thank you and bless your maladaptive soul!

[MatthewR]

I like what you wrote, especially at the end, that we don't have to let our self-hatred drive us. When i daydream, i'm really just distracting myself from all the ugly feelings i have. I used to play computer games compulsively, until i deleted them. But whether it was that or MD or binge-watching, the goal was the same: to get away from myself. My MD is a symptom of my disappointment with real life. I'm not sure how to deal with this yet.  

[chris trifi]

Wow nice points. I was reading some scientific articles on meditation a just before and it is literally proven that meditation can "re-write" your brain. As for MD I totally agree that many times we refuse to accept how destructive it is for our lives, until reality slaps us hard. We need to look at MD as a dangerous addiction that must be fought with all means

[Source]

I meant that while stuck in their dream bubble, they will constantly say and do things that they would never even think of doing if they were truly conscious. This happens because they aren't in full control of themselves, thus instinct takes precedence over reason when reacting to the outside.

This doesn't mean that they aren't responsible for their actions, they obviously are, but there's a very high probability that they (from inside the dream) will often look outside and be like "what the hell am I doing", despite apparently being unable to do anything about it.

[Fallen Messenger]

I want to thank you for reading my post all the way through. I completely agree with you and just want to clarify that the steps that I went through to 'overcome' MD is not a cure-all. The fact of taking back the reigns in your own life is a personal journey. I wanted to share the big steps that helped me and I believe I overly simplified the process in my own life

I do have a question though, what exactly do you mean by "words they mutter are not their own" I would appreciate clarification. And once again, thank you

[Source]

I know by experience and record that maladaptive daydreamers at the deep end of the spiral are so disconnected from reality that it's hard to tell whether they're even conscious or not. Hint: they're not, strictly speaking. Their awareness is only partial; their outward actions are more of a byproduct, rather than a conscious consequence, of what goes on inside.

I'm not saying that everyone with MDD is a zombie who can't act from their thoughts, just that it happens, and in the case of such people be careful not to take what they say at face value. If and when they snap out of it, you may find out that the words they uttered were not their own.