I am incredibly lonely and hurt today.

I have cried several times. I feel a great deal of pain. I wrote some poems but they are so bad. The only friend I have is not talking to me for some reason. I don't know what I did because we hadn't spoken in a while. I have "friends" but none of them respond to anything I say. I am so isolated and so alone. My family just dismisses me and doesn't understand me.

It just confirms the vicious cycle for why I DD. It is the only way I have to forget that I am all alone. I just don't understand how you have people like celebrities who squander all of the the good things they have or make fools of themselves or are just jerks. How do people like that get all the fame, fortune and success.? Why is it all the crappy people that prosper? Why can't it be me?

Today is not a good day. I feel like my eyes will never dry. I just have to keep going and I hope it will get better. It has to. Right? I have to believe it does. We all have to keep hoping and keep believing. So this is the only way I have to make a bad day better. I hope whoever reads this feels hope and can also find the strength to keep your head up.

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Comment by ShellyBelly on November 24, 2013 at 2:21pm

I want to thank you all so very much. I still don't know what's going on with my friend. I tested them and still have received no answer. I can not imagine what is going on. They sounded angry with me. If this friendship does end, I will be absolutely crushed. They are the person I feel I have gotten the closest to in a long time and I just don't know what to do. I just hope they are well and that they will contact me and speak to men. When I do think about the few successful friendship I have had, they have been with other people similar to me as far as their level of "outsiderness". @Cordelia- I too agree with that quote. It's just that I still find myself longing for that good company, you know? I also like the way you described YOURSELF as someone who cares about you and you are so right. No one is more my cheerleader than I am to myself. @Miska- Thank you. I appreciate your very honest resolve in that situation with that guy and it shows that you are a very strong person. @Matthew- Thanks so much. I think that I may just have to accept my DD because in all honesty I have been trying to stop and what I am realizing is that n a strange way, ti does protect me. @Faye- Thank you, Faye. I do see now how circles fluctuate. But I still can't help but be envious of people who seem to be able to make lifelong friends. Maybe I will have some one day. Thank you all so much. I feel better already. Please take good care of yourselves.

Comment by Faye on November 24, 2013 at 9:24am

I feel exactly the same way, I've been trying to DD less but as soon as I do that, there is an emptiness that sneaks in.

I also realize how isolated I have been and worst yet I realize that even when I had a lot of friends they were people that I could never really truly relate to, I could never be my genuine self around them. its the reason I no longer stay in contact with people. The one lesson I take away from this experience is that social circles fluctuate and that hopefully with enough time and luck you'll eventually be surrounded by people you like and truly enjoy being around, instead of being surrounded by people for the sake of not being lonely. (it's a big difference). 

Wishing you well, hope it all gets better soon.

Comment by Mишка (Miska) on November 23, 2013 at 9:49pm
When I'm all alone I dd about someone to talk to... Of course this isn't always enough, so I like to text a friend I know far away(the only guy I ever truly cared for). Sometimes I think of him and wish he could walk beside me again, but then I must force myself to think," If he is happy with someone else then I will be happy for him" for you see, I worry as to whether he found a girl to take liking to far away... Okay I just sort of rambled in there, look, if you need someone to talk to, talk to us!^ ^We'll be here to listen! After all, we face problems in our lives too. Nothing feels better than having someone to talk to, text or speech. (=´∀`)人(´∀`=) see ya!
Comment by Cordellia Amethyste Rose on November 23, 2013 at 8:32pm

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time.  I've been increasingly isolated as I got older.  I spend more and more time alone.  I've had fewer and fewer friends, and I'm not even sure if I'm still friends with my only friend.  Years ago this would have devastated me, but I'm kind of used to this kind of thing happening by now.  I did cry at first, but I'm adjusting now.  I've spent the past several years of holidays and birthdays alone.  It was sad at first, but it's still better than my childhood, when I was surrounded by abusive jerks.  At least when I'm alone I'm with someone who cares about me and doesn't treat me with disrespect.  There's a French saying that essentially translates to "better alone than in poor company."  I believe in it.  Hang in there.  It'll get better.  Either you'll find more kindred spirits and/or you'll get used to being alone.  I've sort of done both.  

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