Reliving Intense Shame/Embarassment

[ShellyBelly]

Does this happen to you? I am always afraid that I will do something stupid or to embarrass myself. Normally, I am very happy go lucky and often his has led to a lot of trouble for me. I either say or do the wrong thing or I make a mistake and can't live it down. I find myself constantly replaying it in my head and it causes me to clam up and not want to leave my house. I had a very sever episode of panic attacks some years ago and I suffered agoraphobia for a year. Now I feel like going back and I still avoid places where I feel I may be shamed. Does anybody else experience this? It makes me so afraid to live my life and be free. I am so sensitive and so sared of what other think. What about you?

[ShellyBelly]

Thanks to all of you guys. I agree Thomas. Whenever I think of people who have hurt my feelings or bullied me, I always look back in forgiveness and I take no pleasure in their living with shame if they are really sorry. It's forgiving myself that I struggle with.

[Aseel]

I do experience these a lot,so I tend to avoid people  at school and at home but I always end up daydreaming and sometimes I keep replaying all the embarrassing situation I've through and then I start to have a panic attack.

[Vanessa]

Hi I'm Vanessa and I am new to this site, and I have to tell you I feel the same way constant embarrassment saying and doing things that most people consider stupid, un-lady like, or just lacking in common sense I realize that's probably not what you meant but still I just want it to stop and feel and be perceived as a normal person to be able to accomplish things without feeling a sense of inadequacy, feeling like I'm destined to fail before I even start. I'm so afraid of being looked down on that I wind up doing or saying  something that's stupid and wind up being looked down at any way  its a vicious cycle I just want it to stop to be able to go through life like a regular human being. I'm sorry I don't mean to come off as if I'm whining I just want it to stop for everything to be okay for me to be okay.  

[Water Lily]

Wow. Thank you Thomas. "I and no one deserves to feel shame".  What a great motto - I am borrowing that!

Something else I do whenever I start reliving intense shame from past or current events is think "how would the heroine of my DD's react to this?" I think it helps me step outside the situation a bit, gives me another way of reacting to an embarrassing situation, and puts things in perspective. It doesn't work always...but it does sometimes. 

[taffle]

Me too. I avoid visiting certain places because of what happened in the past. I particularly don't like visiting public schools because that's where I used to be bullied. I also avoid visiting certain cities that I don't like.

[S K]

oh god yes!it never ceases to amaze me how much I relate to the experiences and people on this site. The feeling is almost perpetual-permanent for me.Since I am no happy go lucky gal it's a constant struggle to keep those memories at bay.I have tried giving in to those feelings and letting it all out, ignoring it and going about my day and writing it down.Neither seem to help.But I wish I wasn't programmed to have those feelings.It's like a heightened conciousness or self-awareness but in a negative way.