Outside my head

[Jessica Ballantyne]

This is going to sound annoying. Living in a town for 29 years, all I ever heard by others is that I'm so quiet. They literally couldn't get a word out of me. I was too busy daydreaming in my head to realize how I looked on the outside. I actually never knew it made me look stupid. Non-family can be vigorous that way. I always used MD as a way to escape my frustrations, but it did me more harm that good, so I had to quit. It was the best decision I made. 

What reasons did you start doing MD? We're their any social issues involved that triggered this? 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

A good impression is very, very important. I lost people's interest because I failed to express myself openly and I wouldn't interact with them. So they simply frowned on me, shrugged and strutted off. Others stared at me for a really long time, because they didn't know what to do. Actually, just about everybody got on my case because I was just so quiet.

Currently I'm not talking to people who I haven't met yet. I don't do zoom meetups online. I'm getting my shot today and then I'm free to do stuff outdoors. I'm so glad, because I'm sick of being stuck at home keeping safe. It's such a big bore. 

[Kiruba Victor]

Yeah, being a night owl doesn't work for me. I tried it once, because a lot of my friends are night owls. It was not at all worth it.

Well, I'm talking to people who I haven't met in real life yet, and I'm dying to meet them. I just hope I make a good impression on them in person as well.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I don't believe I ever met my real partner. Everybody I've met was in denial with how I sounded and appeared, and just said "no" like that, but I seldom met anybody who cared and wanted to stick by my side. I just haven't met this person yet. I know a great person when I meet one. I've never met a patient guy, ever. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Yes, 35 isn't still young. I honestly can't sleep in and if I wake up in a sleep cycle, I'm a zombie for half the day. I drink two coffees and maybe have a hot shower. I work out my brain while I research companies and programs, and read just about everything. 

[Kiruba Victor]

Well, I don't think you're old. You're just older, that's all. 

I'm usually a morning person. I don't like sleeping late at night. Makes me feel super drowsy the next day. I do need to work out again instead of just sitting around all day. I feel that I do give my brain a workout with online gaming, but not my body. Yeah, after your second dose, you'll have more freedom to go out.

Having a clean slate can be good in some way, since you have more understanding of whom you want as friends. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Trouble with me is that I live in my own world. I don't live in this one. That's why I'm not successful today. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

No one ever knew what I wanted or noticed that I was there, or even heard me. Everybody I used to know just disappeared, I never heard back and now I'm left with a clean sleight. Life is full of shifts. Now I need to get out and look for my own group, wherever they are. Something I should've done in the first place. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

No problem. I hate waking up in the morning, it's torture. I'm getting old. I get severe sleep inertia and it takes me hours to feel alive again. I could be due to not exercising my body. This Quarantine business is killing me. I should be getting more freedom after I'm fully vaccinated. 

[Kiruba Victor]

I'm so sorry, I confused jab with job XD I woke up really early in the morning and I guess I must've read it wrong XD. I didn't feel like sleeping too long, so I woke up about 45 minutes ago, and I guess I must've been super drowsy to not notice the difference.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

No need to congratulate me quite yet, I don't have a new job. In fact, I'm barely working and still hunting. It's very frustrating. I do hope I get something soon. I'm sick of it, really. It's so counterproductive.