Outside my head

[Jessica Ballantyne]

This is going to sound annoying. Living in a town for 29 years, all I ever heard by others is that I'm so quiet. They literally couldn't get a word out of me. I was too busy daydreaming in my head to realize how I looked on the outside. I actually never knew it made me look stupid. Non-family can be vigorous that way. I always used MD as a way to escape my frustrations, but it did me more harm that good, so I had to quit. It was the best decision I made. 

What reasons did you start doing MD? We're their any social issues involved that triggered this? 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

It depends on who I interact with. Some people are easy to get a long with and others aren't. If I can get on and talk with someone, I can suddenly chat a storm. If the person gets mean and challenges me, I tend to get choked up on words and turn to stone. 

I've let a few outgoing people down with my deadpan personality. I guess, maybe I was too tired to talk or nothing came up in my mind fast enough to say anything. When I look back, I feel like a shit. 

I still feel a bit sad at what didn't work out in the past, but I'm over it and learned so much. 

[Kiruba Victor]

Really? That's interesting. I always thought it was more a punk rock cut XD

Yeah, I do interact quite well, though I tend to get hyper excited at times. It's still a work in progress.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

We both look like very pleasant people. It's how we interact and speak that's what's so critical. 

Well in North America, this haircut is actually a common pixie for women. 

[Kiruba Victor]

Is that you? Wow, that's an interesting haircut you've got there.

And by the way, definitely yeah, worthwhile people would get to know us better.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I believe the one who we are meant to be with never would've turned us down just for being socially awkward. They would be our tribe, just like our closest friends. 

People who think that way, who immediately turn us down, they're not our tribe and our type and there is obviously no connection. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Jessica%20in%20Park.jpg

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I really should've stuck to the arts. Whether it's teaching or art therapy or stage props. I don't believe I was meant to be a designer. I just got the degree, hoping it will open doors for me. But I think I went into the wrong practice. I just keep on bringing down more clients. I might have to do something else. I don't like to embarrass myself like that, somebody else is going to take me for an idiot. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I feel horrible about not being independent. It's my fault. I was lazy and undetermined, and just sat around waiting for a new job or promotion. I should've known it was going to get worse. These days you have to shape up and pace yourself, and work extremely hard at it. Do as much training as possible. I'm the last old school person who thought some secondary school was good enough to land a permanent job. 

[Kiruba Victor]

Yeah, I did wait for my whole life to meet good friends, but when I entered college, I started being a good friend to others and just had hope that they'd like me as well. Being a good friend would automatically attract good people in turn. It may attract some bad ones, but you'd have to filter them out, which we can, given our experience with the dark side of people.

As far as dating goes, I'd have to get a few things right. I'd say I look "date-able", and I do talk good now, so if I got a shot at it, I'd feel I can impress someone. Although I suck at picking up hints, which is something I'm working on.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

You mentioned that you waited your whole life to meet your friends unexpectedly and believe the same will go for a date. I think you're absolutely right. Saying this, I do expect to meet my friends and love interest unexpectedly. When you think hard about wanting things to happen, they ultimately don't happen. It's up to the Universe to say when it's time, not you. So I take your world for it.