Outside my head

[Jessica Ballantyne]

This is going to sound annoying. Living in a town for 29 years, all I ever heard by others is that I'm so quiet. They literally couldn't get a word out of me. I was too busy daydreaming in my head to realize how I looked on the outside. I actually never knew it made me look stupid. Non-family can be vigorous that way. I always used MD as a way to escape my frustrations, but it did me more harm that good, so I had to quit. It was the best decision I made. 

What reasons did you start doing MD? We're their any social issues involved that triggered this? 

[Kiruba Victor]

I don't exactly expect to buy houses yet. Right now, my mind tells me my goal is to survive and get good things first, but my heart wants to experience love and romance, and sex too, and it has made my mind believe that that's the primary objective. And that's the part I hate the most. I can't take a step to save my life but I'm worried about romance.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

You get all excited and look forward to life, expecting to get married and have kids soon, hold down a job and buy a house. But then your future doesn't happen like the way you planned. It just doesn't. Maybe you find out you picked the wrong career and have to start from square one. Life has its funny ways of helping you out. When I found out how things really are, I tried not to scream out loud. I've never been so disappointed in my whole life. I think it's because my expectations were so high. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I am started to get really frustrated and let down by life itself. I thought everything was going to be cool in the beginning, and then wake up call. That's the problem with being young, you have no idea. You don't have any experience to support your points. You think you have all the answers, when really you got it all wrong. Next thing you know, you're in big ass trouble. And then something gut wrenching comes up like covid-19. You're just like Oh my God, get me out of here. Someone once told me that life is hard. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I don't usually agree with my mom either. I find her a control freak. I mean, she doesn't trust and respect her own 35 year old daughter. I do want to move out ASAP. Regardless, I have the feeling it's not happening until couple years later. 

[Kiruba Victor]

I'm more in line with my dad, than my mom. I don't like my mom much, to be honest. I wish I could get out of this place ASAP.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I think I'm an echo of my mother. She doesn't socialize either and she's not into hanging out in groups. She tends to her garden, watches TV, cooks and reads a book. 

[Kiruba Victor]

Yeah, I've shut the door to that part of my past. And I can openly share it without any issues. So that part is over. If I could get a shot at a relationship though, that might help some of my daydreams feel better.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I think that I met the wrong tribes or social groups in my lifetime, and I didn't find friends who are good for me. Why remember people who never cared about you and loved to see you hurt or embarrassed? 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I don't think I'm even happy..and nobody seems to give a damn, except for my dad. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

It's as though I made thing even worse by doing maladaptive daydreaming...