Outside my head

[Jessica Ballantyne]

This is going to sound annoying. Living in a town for 29 years, all I ever heard by others is that I'm so quiet. They literally couldn't get a word out of me. I was too busy daydreaming in my head to realize how I looked on the outside. I actually never knew it made me look stupid. Non-family can be vigorous that way. I always used MD as a way to escape my frustrations, but it did me more harm that good, so I had to quit. It was the best decision I made. 

What reasons did you start doing MD? We're their any social issues involved that triggered this? 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Back in 2010, when mom discovered that I did MD, she kind of discouraged me from furthering my education. sounds dumb and primitive in today's standards. I think she was too critical on me. It was a decade later when I realized I didn't have to listen to her squabble. Any smart person with self-respect would've protested and did whatever they felt was right for themselves. However, I was very passive. My passivity and taking in what she said to me is what brought me down. I never should've relied on just a design degree. I wish that I went to grad school after I got my B.A or went for another major. 

Moral of the story, never let anybody tell you otherwise, especially those who never cared or had any respect for you. Do as you damn well please. I dealt with so much BS all my life. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

...That's the problem. We are so absorbed in daydreaming that we're not even aware of life and world events. Everybody else WHO doesn't do this is well in tune with world politics. 

Another thing, I am sooooo embarrassed right now. All my peers have lives and careers—except for me. When we were kids, we were ALL self-absorbed and full of shit, at one time or another. But we eventually grow up into the world and face the facts. ME on the other hand...I'm kind of sliding down, because I've been daydreaming for a number of years. Now I am paying the price for it. I practically have to start over. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I took it a step too far with MD. It made me feel wonderful and happy at first, when I was younger, but it eventually turned my life upside down. It made me not care about anything or anyone. Overtime, it put me in a place I don't want to be. Why did I let this happen? I was always on the internet when I was teenager, I'm surprised that I never looked up "daydreaming." 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I can't believe I'm back to the chalkboard of picking a college program? I thought I'd have flown the coop by 35. If I told anybody my story, they would've found me very weird. 

[Kiruba Victor]

No, I haven't, yet. Will check it out today. I'm so absorbed in daydreaming that I've not bothered to check up on current affairs at all.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

By the way, did you watch William Shatner fly into space?

[Jessica Ballantyne]

This is kind of scary. When I got my degree in graphic design, I believed I was going to get a decent job. I was wrong. It was very competitive and challenging out there. I didn't make it in a design agency or a boutique. I worked for warehouses, private businesses, online stores, offices at freelanced at home. My contracts were always short and I had to hop to another company. Employers often complained about my defective communication skills, inability to think and work fast and independently, failure to create very professional looking designs and take on directions, nor be able to meet demanding expectations. After 11 years of falling on my face so much, I realize I'm not cut out for graphic design and should've stuck to the arts. 

Now it's like I'm starting from ground zero. I'm looking at local college secondary career certificate programs of interest, researching the labour market and graduate benefits. I need to determine what program will guarantee that I get a job after I graduate. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

My dad is right, complacency gets you nowhere. I'm starting to get stressed out, have things to sort out. Not sure if I'll get a job anytime soon, and thinking of attending a local college. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Have you ever lost or forget things at times, due to daydreaming?

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I must confess, real life has nothing to do with my fantasies, even my expectations. I always wondered why things were just never working out, all these years.