Everything around me is keeping me where I am. That means my job, my acquaintances, my thinking. I have been brought to many realizations, and I don't know if that has made my MD lessen because I can't hide in my alternate reality or because I don't have the same use for my alternate reality. Aspects of my job have genuinely sucked for a couple of years now. Since a good portion of my MD is replaying things that have actually happened, I have spent a great deal of time 'fixing' scenarios in my… Continue

Today wasn't a bad day. I smiled, laughed, and engaged a lot. I yelled some, but it was a fierce engagement with someone I yell with/at a lot. It's what we do. I started a Bible study for women with different addictions tonight. I'm not super religious. At all. But it is another chance to positively engage with people. My main problem with religion is people using it as a crutch to be dumb. For the first hour, the preacher we watched connected astronomy and religion. His first statement was 'I… Continue

So that Sunday thing prompted me to have an adjustment made to my new prescription for wellbutrin. I may change brands. I have never felt like I did Sunday. Literally never. The first thing to pop into my head after those thoughts popped into my head was, 'I gotta quit taking this shit.' They still haven't gotten back to me about the adjustment so I'll call them again today.

I cannot be alone with myself for too long. That's why I work so much. I usually leave work around 11 after being there all day so I'm extremely tired, too tired to sit around in my head. Well I left work at 6 pm Sunday night. So that gave me 7 hrs alone with me. I think I was ok for about an hr, then I went on major binge. I watched things I shouldn't watch for about 4 hrs. Also hadn't done that since before New Year's. Afterwards, and during, I went very deep inside of my head. A bad place to… Continue