Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
I'm fairly new to this community, I only found out about a month ago that what I've been doing practically my whole life had a name. I love that this website exists and I can come here and read different discussions and feel as if I'm not alone.
I really want to hear what everyone else's story is. How many people are similar to me and how many are different. If you have any stories about your experience I would love to hear it. I'm trying to learn as much as I can about MDD and unfortunately there isn't a lot of research out there.
Hey. My story's pretty long. I've had it all my life. I grew up in an emotionally and physically abusive household, but I don't think that's what started it; I think it just pushed me in further. I think this is just how I was born and made. I know how horrible it can be and how wonderful it can be. For most of my life, it took complete control over my life, and I felt horrible about myself. Once I shed the shame and started living openly, it started to get better, and now it doesn't really bother me. I accept that it will take me longer to do things. Feeling guilty about it will only make it worse. I agreed to be open and honest when I created this site in 2009, and I've made wondrous progress with it since then. I've learned a lot, far too much to sit and bore you with here, but if you ever want to talk, message me. I'm here for you.
It's been there for me since an early age. I've been more passive and less communicative and social than others and I guess this played a part in it, I felt I simply did not need others and was often bored with them too. I did have a very good friend in primary school and loved to meet with him. But after that period, he changed a lot and I never really met much people to connect with since, though some.
I have gotten away with MDD for a long time because my job was laid back but now they gave me the sack after a reorganisation. Now is the time to change my life for the better and I desperately want to use my strong creativity as a source of income but it's freakishly hard and generally considered impossible because over oversaturated markets. At least I do have the chance to try before I die.
The peak of self control....I don't really see day dreaming as an enemy that should vanish alltogether and I don't see that as a realistic possibility. All I see is the need for balance between present moment living and using my mind. I practice mindfulness shortly and strive to do it every day but forgot it many times. During it I also often get distracted in thought.
so glad to read that things have improved for you. I have been absent for a long time but am happy to see this site is still active.
I do wonder how you are able to make a living?
This is an issue for me right now, being between jobs and not really wanting a job but rather be my own boss. Being slower than others and too distracted to reach a goal quickly makes everything hard, regardless what I choose. And most jobs are kind of dull if you're a dreamer...of course half of the world ideally wants to be a writer, musician or artist but it doesn't spin that way.
I could probably spend several hours attempting to write out my story… but I'll try to just stick with the basics.
I can't remember exactly when I started daydreaming, so I must have been very young (4 or 5?). I must be doing something both active and repetitive whilst daydreaming… when I was very young, I used to swing on a swing set, jump on a trampoline, or swim laps in a pool over and over again for hours while daydreaming. That was back when my daydreams were cute, and just the creation of child's imagination. Then, when I was about 8 or 9, I was told to stop talking to myself and get rid of my imaginary friends. I think that is when I began to pace whilst daydreaming… because I could pace back and forth in my bedroom with the door closed and without my parents ever knowing what it was I was up to. I just had to keep the radio turned down.
I fought with severe social anxiety throughout my childhood, and never received any of the support I would have needed to over come it from my family. When I was in my teens, I told my parents about my daydreams (back before I even knew MD was a thing… I thought I was all alone), and received the same lack of support. It seemed that my parents' answer to my obsessive daydreaming was that I "seemed normal", so I must be completely normally! (If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck…. Oh.)
However, I slowly gained my independence from my parents, and am finally learning to face my daydreams on my own. Conclusion to my story: Still working on that. Though, I hope to have a happy ending, where I can control my daydreams and live a productive life.
I don't remember the first time I started daydreaming excessively. But, I remember I daydreamt about my school being invaded by aliens when I was 12. That's the earliest memory of me daydreaming I think.