Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
I'm just curious if there is a connection. When I was in school I got teased a lot and didn't have many friends. I'd spend a great deal of time in my room watching movies, listening to music and being in my own little world. Til this day I'm still an outsider, I have 0 friends. The only people I associate with are my children, husband, parents and sister. Even my extended family doesn't really accept me. I don't like being by people in general.
I think for me it might be an issue..maybe because I'm no accepted in the real world and have low self esteem, I wonder off into my fantasy land in my head. Just a thought.
I've never been super popular, but I've always had friends and can find a way to fit in. Dr. Schupak's survey conclusions showed that there was not a correlation between MD and childhood trauma or being successful/unsuccessful in life- including relationships. Most of us have been daydreaming like this from a younger age than starting school anyway. I remember doing it as a toddler though of course the plots were less intricate or developed.
I had...maybe two good friends through all of my school days. I was really nice to people - I rarely had a bad word towards anyone. I guess I was too nice, & that was viewed as a weakness.
Though, during High School, I became very depressed, & didn't really care about...well, anything really. (undiagnosed Major Depression & out of control OCD.)
I was definitely an outcast - though, I was left alone most of the time. When I was bullied in HS (by students & some teachers,) it usually varied from small, snide remarks, picking me out of the crowd (and not about good things, either,) to rumors (although, I only heard about those rumors after I dropped out of High school. Haha!) Anything before High school, though, made me miserable. I didn't have the greatest family life, either, but I definitely preferred it over school.
I was an "outcast" in elementary school and in the beginning of middle school, but I became more social in 7th grade (and my daydreams decreased) and now I'm in 9th grade (well, it's summer. I'm going into 10th grade.) and I have plenty of friends that are a bit more distant and a few friends who I see/talk to often. I'm not popular at all, but I'm comfortable with a lot of the people I go to school with and am not always afraid to talk anymore. I also hardly daydream anymore.
I always felt like a weird kid, too, and that hasn't changed much into my adulthood. I always used to envy people who had scads of friends, and I wondered why I could never manage the same. I am someone who usually has only a couple of really close friends, and that's it. I think that may be part of the reason behind my MD--as a kid, I always imagined myself with lots of friends, and we were always out and about, causing a ruckus and having a great time. In reality, I just spent a lot of time at home with my family.
As I got older, I realized that I didn't want a million friends because, as Aristotle said, "A friend to all is a friend to none." I'd rather pour myself into relationships that are going to last a lifetime, rather than friend a gaggle of people only to forget about them in a year's time. My MD changed, too--I still daydream every day (whether or not it's a struggle or a gift, I still can't say), but I daydream about close relationships rather than numerous ones.
I completely understand your feelings, but are you really an outcast? You have a husband and children, a sister and your parents. Maybe you're not so much an outcast as you are just really selective about the people with whom you choose to associate.
I used to have a close network of good friends when I was in elementary school, but by late elementary years I guess they finally realized that I wasn't like them so that's when I became the outcast for my middle school life. (I'm starting sophomore year in fall). Also, there were a lot of problems at home that started during this time. I had no escape from it all. So, the daydreams became much more frequent and more developed. Last year I did find another small group to hang out with. But they are totally different than me and they don't understand my 'weirdness', like that I'm not really shy, I just don't talk that much. They don't know about my MD but they know that something is up with me. Sometimes I am glad to have a small group of friends, even if they are nothing like me whatsoever, but I don't like dealing with people that much. I got used to being completely independent and that's how I like things to be now.
I did feel like a social outcast in elementary and middle school, when my daydreaming was the strongest. It was a powerful coping mechanism.